


Magic is Just Unexplained Science

by crows_writings



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Ed Swears, Gen, M/M, Post-Promised Day, Teacher Edward Elric, ed still has alchemy, ling is only there for like one chapter cause hes busy being emperor but its ok he'll send letters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24667861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crows_writings/pseuds/crows_writings
Summary: 6 years since Promised Day (Ed’s 22 and has alchemy), set in Harry’s 3rd year————In the six years that had passed since the Promised Day, life had dramatically improved for Ed.His life had finally found balance, and nothing could be better. And it was as Ed was lying in the Imperial garden, contemplating his amazing life, that the universe decided to shit all over him. Coming in the form of an Imperial palace messenger.————Jumping on the bandwagon cause I’ve read too many crossover fics :D
Relationships: Edward Elric/Ling Yao
Comments: 184
Kudos: 664





	1. Wizards Don't Care About Your Nap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first fic on ao3 and in two years! I'm a sucker for an HP x FMA fic so it's no surprise I've started writing my own :p

In the six years that had passed since the Promised Day, life had dramatically improved for Ed.

When Al had been returned to his body, a sea of possibilities opened up to the two brothers. Their focus for research had gone from one concentrated goal to anything they could think of.

Al of course, went to Xing as soon as possible to learn more about alkahestry. There he and Mei made incredible progress in their research, heading several breakthroughs in the field. And Ed couldn’t be prouder of his brother.

Ed himself, chose to travel the country. He visited big cities and small towns alike. Speaking with local alchemists and helping wherever he could. Mustang being the bastard he is, took his travelling as an opportunity to enlist him as a consultant for cases.

Luckily it turns out working with the bastard isn’t so bad when you don’t legally have to take orders from him. And really, Ed is never going to pass up the opportunity to tell Mustang he must be desperate for help if he’s asking him.

But what really made life so great was Ling. They had started dating almost a year after the Promised Day after a very awkward conversation at Darius and Heinkels wedding. And five years later they were getting ready to start planning a wedding of their own. It had taken nearly a year of back and forth with the council for them to allow it, and weddings for emperors don’t happen overnight. Which meant it would be some very long months before the wedding would happen. But at this point nothing could stop Ed from being happy.

His life had finally found balance, and nothing could be better. It was as Ed was lying in the Imperial garden, contemplating his amazing life, that the universe decided to shit all over him. Coming in the form of an Imperial palace messenger.

ooo

The Imperial garden of the east wing was Ed’s favourite thinking spot. It was filled with winding paths, covered by a canopy of leaves and swooping vines, at night you could only just make out the stars. Unless you were in one of the hidden clearings, which were open to the sky, excluding the roof they were the best spots for stargazing. And in the afternoons they were the perfect spots for a nap in the sun.

Which is what Ed had full intentions for when he made his way to the self-appointed “Ed’s Special Spot”, Ling had helpfully pointed out that was not the best name. But despite that, the title stuck. He sighed as the silk black button up he wore soaked up the heat of the sun. Sadly, he couldn’t yet wear his full idea of a good outfit when wandering the Imperial grounds, but most of the time he could get away with his leather pants and boots if he wore something semi-formal with them. He stretched out his right arm, looking at the golden skin not covered by his rolled up sleeves. Man life really is good, he thought as he laid the once metal arm on his stomach and closed his eyes.

It was just as he was about to drift off into a peaceful sleep, his mandatory bodyguard sitting in her favourite bush, that something or rather _someone_ made a noise on the path.

Instantly they were on their feet, poised for what might be an attack. So much for a nice nap, thought Ed as he began his mental bet on whether it would be an assassin, resident, or palace messenger. He was hoping for anything but an impromptu meeting, getting a nap disturbed is one thing, but having to get up for a meeting was infinitely worse. An assassination attempt is a good thing to be awake for, another meeting (read lecture) on how to date the Emperor is not.

The Imperial palace messenger emerging from the greenery shook him from his thoughts, and he and his bodyguard relaxed as they recognized him as Ling's personal messenger. Now came what could be a fantastic reason for not getting to nap, or Ed’s absolute doom. The question was whether Ling would be summoning him to a grueling meeting with the council or visiting dignitaries, or a meeting a lot more private. Judging by the expression of slight bewilderment and the type of anxiety that comes from not being able to find someone on a time limit, it wouldn’t be the latter.

“Your Highness,” the messenger began with a bow, “His Imperial Highness requests your presence at his private study.” Maybe this would be worth losing the nap, Ed started to hope.

“The Brigadier General Mustang has arrived with guests for an urgent meeting.”

“Fuck.” Ed swore. Of course, of course his very anticipated nap was being blown off because of Mustang. Even being across an entire desert didn’t stop the bastard from materializing to order him around. Grumbling under his breath he followed the messenger to the study. Keeping up a steady stream of very creative expletives for the eleven minutes it took to arrive at their destination.

ooo

Sighing at the door, Ed thanked the messenger and prepared himself for the shit show Mustang had brought to Xing. He wasn’t ready. Sitting on one of the two couches were Ling and Mustang, wearing the type of expressions that say “I’m at my limit with the bullshit that’s being presented to me but I can’t let it show.” Ed could already feel himself joining them. Because sitting across from them on the second couch were two of the oddest dressed people he had ever seen. As he made his way to sit in between Ling and Mustang he tried to process what he was seeing.

Both figures were wearing long robes that looked much too heavy for the weather in Xing. The woman wore a dark velvety green dress that probably belonged in a museum, and for no discernable reason, a witch hat on top of an updo that was so tight it gave Ed a headache just looking at it. The man was arguably, dressed even stranger. His robes were a dark purple, with fuschia peeking out from the folds. And his beard was long enough to be used as a belt. His long white hair wasn’t even tied back, which Ed figured was very impractical having eaten his own hair more than once.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice,” Ling greeted in Amestrian, “Our visitors have come with a very unique proposal, you’re likely to find it quite interesting.” Then he smiled as you do when you have an over enthusiastic houseguest who hasn’t quite caught on to the fact that the party finished ages ago.

With that statement the last dregs of Ed’s hope swirled down the drain like rotten milk. He was definitely going to chew Mustang out for bringing this problem to him. Leaning into the space between Ling and Mustang, he tried to postpone the conversation for as long as possible by feigning to get comfortable. At Mustangs unimpressed look he sighed and muttered “Bastard” under his breath.

“So, what’s this proposal, afraid I’m already engaged if that’s your plan.”

“Ah Mister Elric, our proposal is quite different. I would like to offer you a teaching position at Hogwarts: School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.” The old man said with a smile and unnerving twinkle in his eye.

What the fuck.

An elbow to his side from Mustang told him he probably had said that out loud, but that was the least of his problems. Witchcraft and wizardry? As in magic? Upon asking this aloud he was graced with several nods and some very tired looks.

He knew Mustang was old, but he didn’t think he was old enough to believe strangers raving about magic. Then of course, the old bearded guy took it upon himself to continue with his insane story.

“Oh, I do believe that was quite rude of me to offer you the position without first introducing myself or the subject. Allow me to begin again. My name is Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore,” What a mouthful, Ed thought. “with me is Minerva McGonagall the Deputy Headmistress and one of our esteemed teachers. And I am the headmaster of our fine teaching establishment, we have not had an alchemy teacher in our midst for, why at least a century I do believe.” The man said in a thoughtful tone.

“Quite recently, both Amestris and Xing reached out to our government looking for allies. And since both countries are well versed in the branches of alchemy, the government and school board directors saw fit to bring back the class. Amestris volunteered many State Alchemists for the position, since Amestrian alchemy is much closer to the wizarding worlds alchemy than Xingese alkahestry. But there are many who are opposed to military soldiers teaching our children. With ties to both governments, yet no longer being part of the military, you were found to be the best option for everyone. In fact, I believe it was your previous Commanding Officer, Brigadier General Mustang here, who suggested you for the position.” Dumb-something finished.

At the bastard's name Ed whirled on him and proceeded to chew him out exactly as planned.

“What the fuck kind of joke are you playing bastard? Magic and miracles aren’t real! They’re just unexplained science! Or unrecognized alchemy! You can’t seriously believe this crap?” Taking a breath Ed planned to keep going but-

“Edward,” the Flame Alchemist interjected wearily, “as outlandish as it may seem, magic is indeed real. I’ve seen it myself and I have found no other explanation.” The sour look on his face was practically begging Ed to find one though.

Whipping his head back around to Beardy McGee, Ed demanded to see the “magic” as the woman who had yet to talk sighed. But the old man only smiled as he drew a stick out of his pocket and gave it a wave. Then, inexplicably and completely in defiance of the laws of physics, the tea that had been set out on the table between them began to float.

Ed was speechless, his mouth surely hanging open. He stared in disbelief, then the science side of him was taking control, and before he knew it he was crouched in front of the table notebook in hand.

He noted the level height at which the tea set was floating, about a foot, then began to conduct experiments. He swiped his hand underneath and nothing shifted, then he held his hand there, then lightly touched the bottom of a cup, nothing changing. Each time quickly scratching down the results. When Ed picked up a cup it resisted for a moment then the weight settled in his hand. Muttering and writing down his observations the alchemist completely blocked out the world around him. It was only when he pushed an empty cup so far that it fell and clattered to the ground that he was roused from his stupor.

Looking up he saw Ling smiling like he did whenever Ed got caught up in gushing about alchemy. Ed went red, then noticing Mustang and the others' amused looks, scowled and picked himself up off the floor.

“How are you doing that?” He grumbled at the “wizard”, as he plopped himself back on the couch. The man waved his stick, setting the tea back down before clearing his throat and answering.

“Well Mister Elric, I’m afraid the specific functionings of magic and spells are quite complicated. Though I’m sure you would find many answers in the library at Hogwarts, it’s quite large. Sadly, I’ve only brought a few books with me. A dictionary for translation between English and Amestrian, a history book on our school, and an introductory text to the wizarding world. All very compelling reads. You’ll find the dictionary quite useful, seeing as it would not be practical to use a translation spell like we currently are for the entire school year.”

What the hell kinda answer is that? Ed thought. The only way he could’ve been more upfront about wanting to bribe him is if the man had said “Here, take this money and teach at my magic school. We have dragons!”

The worst part was that it was kind of working.

Edward desperately wanted to know how the bearded man had made the objects float. And the only way to find out was to personally speak to someone who did “magic” or read their research. He was obviously not going to find that in his current position seeing as he had never heard of anything like this before. So Mr. Dumbdoor had secured himself in the position of being the only one who could get him the information.

Not to mention, he had a weakness for the prospect of large libraries. Ed cursed as he realized that Mustang had pulled practically the same move when offering him the position of State Alchemist. Though there was a significant difference between saving his brother and being curious.

Turning to look at Ling he asked, “What do you think about all this?” Ling had been oddly silent, and this wasn’t exactly a decision Ed could make without having a conversation with him.

“I think you should take the opportunity.” Ling said shifting so that they faced each other. “The council has already agreed to their plan. And besides,” Ling smiled. “It’s kind of obvious how much you want to figure out how magic works. The wizards have also already agreed to set up communication between you, Amestris and Xing. Not to mention you’ve gone on trips longer than ten months with spottier communication.” Which was Ling’s “can’t be too sappy while working” way of saying “I’m gonna miss you, but we’ll still be able to talk so go be a nerd”. Ed was steadily running out of reasons to not take the teaching position. It seemed that somehow everyone had already agreed to it, and now they were just trying to convince him.

Now that he thought about it, that’s probably exactly what was happening. Damn.

Sighing, and most definitely not pouting, he turned back to the strangers on the couch, “So, what exactly would teaching at your ‘magic’ school include.”

“Ah, wonderful! Hogwarts will be glad to have you. Just like any regular school the teachers plan lessons and teach classes on a schedule, the classes usually last an hour and half. Any other questions you have after reading _Hogwarts: A History_ , Minnie and the other teachers will be happy to answer for you at the school.” Well, Ed thought sarcastically, that meant practically nothing to him considering his education consisted of the tiny schoolhouse in Resembool and his apprenticeship time with Teacher.

“Although,” The man continued. “We would appreciate your help with another matter within the school. We have reason to believe that one of our students may be targeted by a recently escaped mass murderer. The student, one Harry James Potter, has already proven to be quite the magnet for trouble despite only attending our school for two years. We would appreciate your help in keeping an eye on him, especially with your background in combat. Of course, we’ll be able to discuss this more at the school.”

“Of course.” Ed agreed, because it seemed the only way to get any answers of substance was to be at the school. Which he was apparently going to despite never actually saying yes. He could already tell this was going to be a mess.

“Well, since you’ve agreed to becoming our new alchemy teacher, and we've covered everything that’s necessary,” Dumb-something said, as he inexplicablly pulled thick books out of small hand purse. “I believe it’s time for us to leave. Myself or McGonagall will be here in a month to take you to Hogwarts. I do hope you enjoy these lovely reads.” Then he passed the books along to Edward, stood with McGonagall, and in a swish of his stick they were gone.

“What the fuck. What the actual fuck just happened.”

“Oh thank god they’re finally gone.”

“How the hell am I supposed to get back to Amestris in time for my meeting now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dumbledore give reasonable answers challenge
> 
> So this got a lot longer than I expected and I have no idea if all the chapters will be this long, guess we'll find out!
> 
> As for Ed's alchemy, in canon I really enjoyed the ending and how he lost it BUT for this fic he has it because its fic and I make the rules. I'll probably get into how he still has it in the next chapter and I've got some ideas on that but I wouldn't mind suggestions either.
> 
> I can't really think of anything else to say so please let me know what you thought :D


	2. Nap Achieved: Memories Unlocked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories, romance, goodbye's, and hello's. This chapter has a little bit of everything!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos/commented/bookmarked!!! It means so much, I actually almost cried! (in a good way) I hope you guys enjoy the rest of the story just as much!!
> 
> By the way while writing this chapter I realized I've never written romance stuff before so please let me know if it feels a bit off. Good romance writers are braver than all cops, which really isn't that hard since acab but i think you get the point.
> 
> I got into how Ed still has his alchemy in this chapter but I'm still not entirely sold myself, so please let me know what you think!

A month after the wizard's surprise visit, Ed could be found sprawled over his and Ling’s shared bed. He was sleeping early in the evening to compensate for the seven hour difference between Great Britain and Xing. Mismatched legs tangled in silk sheets, hair in mouth, and stomach exposed, if his brother saw him he’d surely be disappointed. But Ed was left unaware of all of this, lost in the throes of sleep, dreams and memories.

_“I’ve got your payment right here. It’s all yours for the taking” Ed said pointing to the giant doors behind him with his thumb and a smile. “It’s my Gate of Truth so I get to do whatever I want with it, right?” Ed knew he was right, this was the only way to get Al back._

_And besides, alchemy had only made him arrogant. He had believed any problem could be fixed with a clap of his hands, but in reality it had caused more problems than fixed. Even after committing the greatest taboo he hadn’t fully understood what it meant to be human. Ed had to lose a lot to truly understand, and now he had no problem letting go of his alchemy. But it turns out, not everyone was on the same wavelength._

_“Brother!” A strangled cry sounded from behind Truth, who had begun to laugh. “You can’t give up your alchemy. Use my Gate instead!”_

_“What? You are not giving up your alchemy Al! This is the only way to get you back. And besides it’s not like I actually need alchemy anyways. Let me do this for you.”_

_At that Truth began to laugh even louder. They threw their head back with mirth, shoulders shaking from where they sat on the ground. The brothers stared in confusion and disgust. And Ed was only made more painstakingly aware of the cold static sensation that came with being in the presence of Truth._

_Then Truth turned their garish smile to Ed, and spoke in a sickly sweet tone, “While I must admit that watching you two squabble over who will pay the toll is quite amusing, it has already been paid. I have to say though, it is quite the conclusion you came to in regards to your alchemy_ **_little alchemist_ ** _, I’d say I’m surprised. Then again you have always had a flair for dramatics and self sacrifice, haven’t you?”_

_The static of the white void only grew worse. Being given the equivalent of a compliment from Truth left a pit in Ed’s stomach. But at the same time he felt a rush of hope, the toll was already paid? It didn’t make sense, and it seemed too good to be true, but Truth never lied. Twisted words and had a penchant for misleading. Yes. But they never lied._

_“What do you mean the toll’s already been paid?” Ed demanded._

_“_ **_Little alchemist_ ** _, were you two not instrumental in taking down The Dwarf in the Flask? I do not take kindly to being eaten. You’ll find that returning one as arrogant as he, to my realm to face punishment has covered the toll. All that needed to be done was for it to be collected upon. It appears you may finally take your brother home,_ **_little alchemist_ ** _.” Finished Truth, as their eyeless stare bore into Ed and their smile stretched far larger than it should and-_

Then Ed’s shoulder was being gently shaken, and the memories began to fall off him like cool mist in the sun's morning light. He slowly opened his eyes, and looked up to find Ling leaning over him and smiling brighter than the sun. A small dopey smile lit up his face as he stretched, sitting up to face his fiancé.

“Hey Sunshine, ready to go live in a castle where you’re going to teach a bunch of kids who believe in magic?” At that Ed groaned dramatically, rubbing his face to attempt to rid himself of sleep and responsibilities.

Throwing himself back to the comfort of silk sheets he turned to Ling and pouted, “Do I have to?”

“Well,” Ling said in a way that meant the next thing to come out of his mouth would be a bad idea. “I myself wouldn’t be opposed to getting in some last minute cuddling, it’s not like the wizards would know which room to find us in.”

Oh, thought Ed, maybe it was actually a really good idea.

“Of course Brigadier General Mustang knows where to find us, and he only gave me fifteen minutes to wake you up. So I mean we totally could, but he’d probably walk in and not be the happiest…” Ling trailed off.

Well shit, there goes Ed’s plan of trying to procrastinate as long as possible. Sighing, he sat up throwing his feet over the edge and stood up stretching his arms above his head. Then he let himself fall onto Lings chest, and wrapped his arms around his fiance's waist.

“Why is getting up always so much more fucking difficult when it’s from a nap?” Ed grumbled into his shoulder. Ling hummed thoughtfully as he returned the embrace. He tilted his head to the side before answering, the late evening sun softly lighting up his face.

“Is that a rhetorical question, or do you want an actual answer? Because I don’t know enough about science and sleep for that.”

“Hmm,” Ed murmured. “Rhetorical. But a kiss is always a good substitute answer.” Blushing slightly he looked up to meet Ling’s eyes, and then his lips. Before reaching to place his arms up around his shoulders and deepening the kiss.

“I still have to get dressed, don’t I?” Ed whispered against his lips, pulling away from the kiss sooner than he would have liked. 

“I personally, am quite a large fan of the ‘only wearing underwear’ look.” Ling spoke softly. “But I do suppose the wizards might not agree with such a fashion statement. I guess it’s best to stick to tight black leather.” Ling finished slyly tucking a piece of hair behind Ed’s ear. Then he pressed a delicate kiss to Ed’s forehead and stepped back to let him get dressed.

Five minutes later Ed was ready to face the bullshittery of the day, or evening depending on how you saw it. He was wearing his leather pants and boots as per usual, along with a red silk button up and long black coat. Because at this point in life, everyone had told him his red coat was a terrible look, but he was prepared to die on the hill of his colour combo. So he had just inverted the colours of his favourite outfit.

His little brother said it was stupid. He knew it was genius.

Tying off his braid, and grabbing the (overly large in his opinion) suitcase, he turned to face a softly smiling Ling.

“You ready for more magic bullshit?”

“Oh Sunshine, you know I’m not the one putting up with it for ten months.” Ling teased.

“Ling I love you,” Ed said grabbing his hand. “But that’s not even fucking funny.”

“Aw, I love you too.”

Then they were out the door, and making their way to the study to meet with the wizards.

As they walked hand in hand through the empty halls (Lan Fan not counted), Ed mentally went over everything he’d done in preparation during the last month.

Learning English had been the first step, and the longest. Al had dropped by, claiming it was to say goodbye, in reality he had also wanted to know what the fuck was up with magic. Which Ed really couldn't blame him for, he would’ve done the same if the situation were reversed. So they ended up learning the language together. In all honesty, Ed had been thankful to pick up such such a bizarre language with Al’s help.

Then the brothers had read the two books left that weren’t dictionaries, and then read them again, and again, and again. Ed figured there was a very good chance that if he were put on the spot, he could recite the entirety of _Hogwarts: A History_ and _Magic: An Explanation for The Muggleborn_.

Despite his best efforts he still couldn’t quite wrap his head around their contents. There just weren't any logical explanations. Even Al couldn’t come up with something. And then Mustang had described in a letter what it felt like when the wizards teleported him (or as they called it “apparating”), and Ed had only grown more uncomfortable with their “magic”.

Apparently, it had felt like being decomposed and then recomposed when going through The Gate. That was a process Ed was way too familiar with, and he had no intention of experiencing it again.

After everything Ed and Al managed to parse together about the “wizarding world”, he was already hoping the school year would finish soon, or better yet that he would get to stay home altogether. But since he was the one who had been offered the job he had to go. Not to mention, Al had done everything short of threatening him with a knife, to make sure he went and sent back as much information as possible.

Then just last week, he had been to Rush Valley. According to _Hogwarts: A History_ not only did it constantly rain in Scotland, where the school was located, but it snowed and the temperature dropped below freezing in winter.

So, Ed had paid a visit to his mechanic, Winry Rockbell for an automail update. She was a little miffed at the short notice of a couple weeks. But between her girlfriend Paninya’s doting, and Ed helping out with chores and repairs, she ended up not caring as much as usual. Then of course Ed and Paninya were kicked out of the workshop so she could work. And the two promptly switched gears from doting on Winry to running around Rush Valley fixing things and causing chaos.

But the month had finished, and now Ed had to go teach a bunch of children. He may like children, they were incredibly easy to make conversation with, and asked the best questions. However, teaching them was a whole other thing. Not to mention, the alchemy class was only available to third years and older.

He was going to be teaching angsty, hormonal, teenagers.

What the fuck had happened to his life.

Then before Ed knew it, he and Ling had arrived at the study where they had last met the wizards. Which meant it was time to say goodbye.

Sighing, he set his suitcase down. After all the times he had said goodbye to people, he had thought it might become easier. There wasn’t even a high chance of death for either party this time! But his heart still hurt at the thought of not seeing Ling for the next, if not ten, then four months until winter break.

“Hey,” Ling said softly, as if sensing Ed’s reluctance. “I’m gonna miss you.” He reached a hand up to cup Ed’s face, as the other wrapped around his back to pull him closer. 

“I’m gonna miss you too. So fucking much.” Ed murmured. Placing his hands on his fiancé’s chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. I'm gonna miss that in the mornings, Ed thought.

Then he felt his head tilt up. And Ling ran his thumb over Ed’s cheekbone lightly. As he stared up at his fiancé, Ed couldn’t help but think he was the luckiest person in the world.

There were, quite literally, people who had fought for Ling’s hand in marriage. And here he was, some random alchemist from a tiny sheep farming town, who had managed to woo the future, and now current, Emperor of Xing. He couldn’t be happier that Al had decided they should help him when they found Ling passed out in that alley.

Gazing up at Ling, and taking in his soft eyes, and high cheekbones, he wished he could properly voice the warm feeling he got when he saw him. But his brain, wired for science, just ended up short circuiting when he tried. So he was left trying to express himself through wide eyes, rosy cheeks and half formed words.

Luckily, Ling always seemed to know what he was trying to say when he couldn’t find the words. Even now, when all he could do was stare and wish for a way to still hold Ling after he left for Hogwarts.

“You’re going to be incredible Ed.” Ling whispered, as he leaned in slowly to rest their foreheads together. “And even though you may miss me so much that your pain is mistaken for a heart attack, you must promise to still do your job.” That part had Ed laughing softly at his dramatics. “Besides, I’m going to send you so many letters that everyone thinks you have a giant fan club. The point is, everything is going to be fine.”

“It’ll feel like shit, but things will be fine.” Ed affirmed. “I love you so fucking much Ling Yao, y’know that right?”

“I do, and I’m inclined to say that I love you even more.” Ling smiled.

“You better not make this a competition. Because I will fucking destroy you.”

“Oh will you?” He taunted with a stupid smirk on his stupidly gorgeous face.

“Yeah! I fucking will!” Ed claimed confidently.

He lifted himself onto his toes, (he wasn’t short, Ling was just freakishly tall, fuck you) and placed what was likely to be their last kiss until meeting again on Ling’s lips. That’ll teach you, he thought.

Then he dropped back down onto his heels and wrapped his arms around his fiancé for one last hug. Ling returned the embrace giggling, warm and comforting. Before Ed finally took a step back and grabbed his fiancé’s hands. He took a moment to stare at their entwined fingers before looking back up into Ling’s eyes.

“Ready?” Ling asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Ready.” Ed confirmed, smiling up at him.

Then Ling gently lifted their hands and placed a delicate kiss onto Ed’s knuckles. Blushing, what he hoped was an unnoticeable amount, Ed picked up his suitcase and turned to open the door.

“Ah, Fullmetal. Glad to see you could make it. Your face looks a bit red by the way.” Mustang smirked.

Glaring at where Mustang was sitting on the couch, Ed stalked into the study. He dropped his suitcase on the ground and crossed his arms, as Ling drifted in behind him.

“Yeah I fucking made it you bastard. And I’ll have you know I haven’t had the title ‘Fullmetal’ for six years!” Pointing for affect, he had meant to be telling off Mustang for acting like he was still in the military. But instead the man only smiled and acknowledged that it wasn’t his title anymore.

“Fucking bastard.” Ed muttered, as Ling quietly chuckled from where he stood behind him. Grumbling to himself Ed went to sit down on the couch, wedging himself into the corner farthest away from Mustang, leaving the center to Ling.

“The wizards should be arriving in a couple minutes, yes?” Ling asked no one in particular as he took the free spot.

The Brigadier General nodded in agreement, and Edward hummed along. True to his words, not five minutes later there was a pop and Minerva McGonagall materialized out of thin air.

Ed screwed up his face at the thought of doing the same, before standing up with the others to greet her.

“Thank you for meeting with us again Miss McGonagall.” Ling said graciously. “And we thank you once more, for providing Edward’s transportation to the train station.”

“It is merely the proper thing to do since we were the ones to ask for a teacher, especially considering the distance between our countries.” McGonagall stated, clasping her hands. There was a moment of awkward silence, as the room wondered where to go on from there.

“So…” Ed questioned, not one to sit in silence. “Could Beardy not make it?”

A small huff of laughter from Ling, and unimpressed glares from the others had the alchemist thinking that maybe that wasn’t the best way to break the ice.

McGonagall leveled an apathetic stare that could rival Hawkeye’s towards Ed.

“Mr. Elric, I believe you’d do well to remember the names of those you work with. Albus was unable to meet us due to previous commitments that came up.”

Oh yeah, Ed thought, I’m in trouble. 

“The students should be arriving at the station soon. And I do believe that Remus Lupin, the teacher that will be accompanying you, wishes to find a compartment before then.” McGonagall announced, it seemed she had decided to speed things up so as to spend as little time as possible around Edward.

Ed was really hoping this woman was going to be warming up to him soon. Otherwise he had a feeling the school year was going to be a lot fucking worse than what it was already sure to be.

“Well, Edward it sounds like that’s your cue to leave.” Mustang drawled, most likely anticipating sneaking in a nap before the next cross-desert trading meeting.

Shooting a dirty look to the bastard, Ed turned to face Ling. Grabbing his hand for one last squeeze.

“I hope you’re ready for a fuckton of letters, because I can already tell I’m gonna have a lot to say about all the bullshit in the ‘wizarding world’.” Ed announced.

“I look forward to it.” Ling replied with a smile, dropping a chaste kiss to his cheek.

Ed walked over to McGonagall with his suitcase in hand, his face turning perhaps a bit red. Then they linked arms and with a swish of a wand, and a final smile goodbye Ed felt himself swirl out of existence.

ooo

As they, presumably travelled, Ed swore he could feel every single atom in his body pulsating. Pushing and pulling, compressing to impossibly small sizes and expanding across the universe all at once. Somehow it felt better, worse, the same, and completely unlike going through The Gate.

Then Ed was violently thrown from the hell vortex that had swallowed him. Everything was spinning. Colours and shapes blending together, before all swirling down the drain. 

Once the nausea passed, Ed stood from where he was kneeling to find himself in a back alley, and thankfully not an uncaring white void. Standing behind him, unbothered, was the scary lady who subjected him to that awful experience. And provided transportation, but Ed wasn’t feeling all too grateful just yet.

“Ugh… Does it always feel that fucking terrible?” He ground out, rubbing his hands on his face in an attempt to wipe away the residual _wrongness_.

“The first time is always the most difficult.” Professor McGonagall responded, stiffening at Ed’s language. He was really hoping that he would still be able to win her over. The alchemist had a feeling if Teacher had been there more than a couple knives would have been thrown in his direction.

“Professor Lupin will be waiting at the doors around the front of this building.” She continued on. “As mentioned before he will accompany you on the Hogwarts Express.” 

“Well,” Ed started, dusting his pants off and grabbing his suitcase. “Then I suppose this is where we part. Thanks for dropping me off.” He grinned, instinctively offering his left hand to shake.

“I will be seeing you at the school for the feast.” She replied, grasping his hand.

Ed nodded in agreement, turning to leave. But just as he was about to round the corner of the alley, he found himself looking back at McGonagall.

“By the way Mr. Elric, I would advise you don’t use such language in the school. The children can be quite impressionable.”

“Sure thing, I wouldn’t want to be any sort of awful fucking influence, now would I.” Grinning as he walked into the street, all he could think about was how he was definitely digging his own grave.

Little did he know, the teacher had a small smile of her own.

ooo

Remus Lupin was unbelievably tired. The full moon had been recently and now he felt like day old dragon dung. He wanted nothing more than to be laying in bed. But instead he was in a crowd looking for the new alchemy teacher.

He could barely believe it when he got the letter telling him that the alchemy class was coming back. It almost made him disappointed that he was going back to Hogwarts as a teacher, and not a student. He was definitely going to be asking this new teacher some questions.

But first he actually needed to find him.

Apparently he was looking for a young man, with long gold hair, golden skin and gold eyes. Remus was beginning to wonder if Dumbledore had actually hired a golden statue.

Then just as he had been told, he saw a golden figure dressed in dark colours walk out from the alley to the right of the station. Remus began to weave his way through the mass of people towards who he desperately hoped was Edward Elric. He watched as the man walked to one of the pillars at the top of the steps to gain a higher vantage point. The blond didn’t have nearly as much trouble navigating the rush of people heading to the trains as Remus did.

  
  


As Remus drew closer, he realized the man wasn’t wearing all dark colours as he had previously thought. Underneath the long black coat was a deep red button up tucked into- Merlin’s beard, Remus thought, are those leather pants? He could only think of one person he knew who wore leather pants. Remus nearly chuckled, remembering the first time Sirius had worn them. Then reality caught up with him, and the memory turned sour.

Trying not to seem too out of breath, Remus approached the man he believed to be Edward Elric. Up close he saw that he really did have golden eyes, how peculiar.

“By any chance, would you happen to be Edward Elric?” He asked, if this man wasn’t Remus figured he might die of embarrassment.

“The one and only,” Elric grinned. “And you’re Remus Lupin?” Remus let out a sigh of relief, nodding in confirmation.

“Well then I suppose we should be catching our train.” The new professor suggested.

“Rightly so Mr. Elric.”

“Ed or Edward is fine, I’ve never been one for formality.”

“Well then I ask that you call me Remus.”

Then the two forged their way through the crowd and into the station.

ooo

“You want me to walk through the wall.” Edward repeated for the fifth time. Remus simply sighed and nodded along. Most muggles were flabbergasted by Platform 9 ¾, then they usually came around a minute later, but Ed had been going on for at least ten minutes now. There was a good chance that Remus could have already been sleeping in a compartment by now.

The new professor leaned his weight against Platform 9 ¾ staring wide eyed at Remus.

“It’s solid, see! You can’t walk through it! Either you’ve been duped or you are really committed to fucking with me.”

“Edward, I assure you that I am not “fucking with you”. In order to enter one must believe and run through it. It remains solid otherwise.” Remus pinched his nose, he did not have the energy for this. The other man seemed very nice, but Remus was about three minutes away from grabbing his arm and running him through the wall himself.

“Wait, it reacts differently, to different types of pressure? Like how when water and cornstarch are mixed they can react like a solid if slapped? The whole “just believe” shit sounds like well, shit. But if it’s state of matter changes based on various forms of pressure then maybe- ” 

Remus didn’t happen to hear the rest of that statement, because he had looked the rambling man in the eyes, and rushed through the barrier.

Approximately five minutes of blessed silence later, Edward came barreling through. Before letting out a sigh like he had been holding his breath. Then he turned towards Remus, and the professor prepared himself for a barrage of questions.

Instead, Edward simply opened his mouth and said, “There better be some fucking books on that specific brand of bullshit at the school.”

Chuckling, Remus told him there were many books in the library, and that in fact he’d love to give him some recommendations. Edward smiled voicing his anticipation, before motioning for him to lead the way to the train.

When the Hogwarts Express came into view, Edward let out an appreciative whistle. And Remus felt the familiar rush of warmth that came from knowing he was going back to Hogwarts. It had been so long and he couldn’t wait to walk those familiar halls once more.

There was still a good twenty minutes before the majority of the students would be arriving. So he and Edward had their pic of the compartments. Mostly out of habit, he led them to the compartment he had always rode in with his friends.

As Remus placed his luggage in the racks above, Edward made a sound of confusion behind him.

“Huh, some kids carved their names in here. ‘Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs’. Wow, do you think those were nicknames or their actual names?” He laughed.

“Well I would hope that they were nicknames. Being named after a worm would be quite unfortunate indeed.” Remus replied sleepily. He had just sat down and he could already feel his eyelids drooping. Who knew he had been so tired?

“I think I’m going to take a nap.” Lupin yawned. “Are you fine on your own Edward?” Just because he was tired and grouchy, it didn’t mean Remus wanted to be overly rude.

“Oh yeah I’m fine. I’ll probably sleep later too, in the meantime I’ve got some notes to be making Ed replied enthusiastically.

And that was the last thing Remus heard as he drifted off into a much needed slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally on our way to Hogwarts! I'm sure nothing bad will happen on the train ;0 
> 
> By the way, what do you guys think about the Lupin pov? I doubt I'll do full chapters with it but it's fun to add a little perspective outside of Ed (although you can also expect another pov next chapter ;))
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, please let me know your thoughts on it and have a nice day! :D


	3. Third Time’s the Charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We gotta get back to Hogwarts! But first, dementors oh boy. Harry and co. are finally here but we’re not at Hogwarts yet! (Because I wrote to much :p)
> 
> !Warnings for this chapter!
> 
> (FMA) Canon-typical level of nightmares, light(imo) descriptions of body horror, descriptions of blood/blood tears, emotional distress
> 
> If you’d like to skip over this stuff it’s all within the italicized section. OR Stop reading after the line break (ooo), and start reading again at: “Gasping, Ed jerked awake violently.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy!! I’m back! It’s nearly been a month and for the life of me I couldn’t tell you were that time has gone. But I’ve made it back with this monster of a chapter. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who’s reading (and expressing their enjoyment of) my incredibly self-indulgent fic, and I hope you enjoy!

Despite what Harry had said to Mr. Weasley, he was a little scared.

He hadn’t wanted the man to worry, when he told Harry that Sirius Black wanted to kill him, before boarding the train. He’d done his best to reassure Mr. Weasley with the fact that he already knew about Sirius Black, and that he wasn’t scared. He had overheard him and Mrs. Weasley discussing it the night before.

But being honest, he hadn’t exactly slept well that night knowing someone else was trying to kill him, again. Thankfully, almost missing the train was a good reason to avoid too many questions about his well being.

Mr. Weasley had been very adamant about making Harry promise not to go looking for Black though. He had found that rather odd. Seeing as he hadn’t the slightest clue who in their right mind would look for a mass murderer that specifically wanted to kill you!

Now, he, Ron, and Hermione were looking for an empty compartment so he could catch them up on the “Voldemort is once again directly/indirectly ruining my school year” news. Couldn’t it have waited until they at least got to school? Harry desperately wanted to hope this wouldn’t become a common theme in his life, third times the charm right?

As they came to the end of the train they finally found a compartment without any students. Or at least, it didn’t look like the two men inside were students. The door was slightly ajar, so the three students all leaned in and peaked inside.

Sitting in one corner was a man who looked dreadfully tired. He was in shabby wizards robes, and his light brown hair was disheveled from sleeping.

Across from him sat a younger man. Unlike the other occupant he was awake, but he seemed no more aware of his surroundings. The man was completely enraptured in writing in a small journal. He was dressed strangely too, by both wizard and muggle standards.

Harry didn’t think he’d ever seen someone pair a button up shirt with leather pants before. And he wore a strange metal band on his right wrist. It didn’t look like any sort of jewelry Harry recognized, not that he knew much about jewelry in the first place.

Harry had to admit that the deep red shirt did look nice on him though. And his golden hair shone in the sunlight. Shaking his head Harry focused back onto the goal, finding a place to sit.

The golden man had yet to notice them so Ron took the chances, and broke the silence, “Who the hell are you guys?” Gasping, Hermione slapped him lightly on the arm.

“Ron! You can’t go around saying that! At least one of these men is a professor.” She chastised. 

A professor? Harry was completely lost on how she had managed to come to that conclusion. And based on Ron’s befuddled look he was just as confused.

Sighing greatly Hermione turned to look at them, “Honestly you two, why else would there be to grown adults on the Hogwarts Express. Not to mention it says  _ Professor  _ R. J. Lupin, right there on that man's luggage.”

“Well gee Hermione, not all of us notice everything and read people’s luggage.”

Harry sighed as he started to tune out his bickering friends. He looked back to the compartment to judge how best to rouse the blond from his writing stupor.

But instead, he was met with striking golden eyes. The man had stopped writing, and now he was looking directly at Harry. The man's eyes flicked over to where his friends were still viciously whispering, before returning to gaze at Harry and sigh.

“Are you three going to come in or just stand in the doorway.” Ron and Hermione jumped, letting out identical squeaks of surprise. Harry had half the mind to laugh at how similar the two could be, despite always arguing.

But instead he was trying to figure out what accent the man had spoken with. It had sounded similar to German but there was something different about it. It was moments like these Harry wondered if Hogwarts should have classes on geography. That thought was quickly dismissed.

“Well? Are you coming in or not?” The trio exchanged looks before shrugging in a “why not, it’s not like he’s gonna kill us” sort of way, before shuffling in.

Hermione sighed as Ron squished himself into the corner farthest from the blond man, while she took the spot beside the sleeping professor. Harry couldn’t exactly blame him though. He ended up sitting beside the man and he only grew more intimidating the closer you got.

“My name is Hermione Granger, this is Ron Weasley, and that’s Harry Potter, we’re third years.” Hermione started matter-of-factly. Pointing to each of them in turn, before turning to face the man expectantly.

Harry turned to look as well, expecting the usual reaction upon people hearing his name. Instead the man only raised a pale eyebrow before introducing himself.

“Edward Elric, as you already seem to have guessed I’m a new teacher at… Hogwarts.” He didn’t seem very happy with the school's name.

“Are you the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor?” Hermione asked excitedly. 

“Nah, that must be the class Remus is teaching.” He hummed thoughtfully, nodding towards the sleeping man. “I’m teaching the alchemy class.”

“Alchemy? That’s so old!” Ron burst out.

“Alchemy hasn’t been taught at Hogwarts for 113 years!” Hermione said incredulously. “The only place that still practices it is a country in the Hidden Sector. Oh fiddlesticks, I can’t remember it’s name.” Her brow furrowed as she looked down muttering to herself, very obviously trying to conjure up the forgotten name.

“Amestris?” Elric suggested with a smile.

“Yes! That’s it! Amestris is known for its practice of the ancient art of alchemy and its military power.” Hermione stated as if reading directly from a book. 

Then she gasped, and turned towards the new professor. “You must be Amestrian then! Oh my do you think you could tell us what it’s like there? All the reports about the Hidden Sector are so outdated, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity!”

Harry watched the new professor, waiting to see how he would react to Hermione’s enthusiasm. He hoped it wouldn’t be any sort of Snape-like reaction, for Hermione’s sake.

But the man only laughed good naturedly, “Oh man, I hope the rest of the students are as curious as you are! You guys are in your third year, right?” They all nodded. “Fantastic, you should end up in one of my classes then, keep up the curiosity. As for Amestris, think you can handle waiting until we’re at the school to hear about it? Even if it doesn’t come up in class, there’s probably other kids interested too.”

Hermione nodded along eagerly, “And this also gives me more time to think of questions to ask!”

“I’ll be expecting some clever and well thought out questions then. Now if you three don’t mind,” Elric said, rearranging himself into a more comfortable position. “I’ve got a reputation for falling asleep on long train rides.” Then before Harry could say ‘abracadabra’ he had fallen asleep and was snoring softly in his corner.

Harry couldn’t help but think about how odd it was that they had ended up in a compartment with not one, but two sleeping professors they’d never met before. He had never heard of teachers taking the Hogwarts Express before. He wondered if the situation had any connection to Sirius Black. But Harry figured he was being a bit extreme and dropped the thought.

“That bloke is bloody strange.” Ron said once it was obvious the professor had fallen asleep. “I’ve never even heard of that Secret Spot stuff before. And do you guys see that scar ‘round his shoulder?” Harry nodded along, while Hermione looked mildly offended.

Huffing she said, “It’s the Hidden Sector, first of all! You’ve never heard of it because you never read.” Then she shifted as if embarrassed. “And it’s rather rude of you to point out scars like that. Harry doesn’t like his scar being ogled, I don’t see how this is any different. Y’know, you should be glad that third years can take alchemy. We’re lucky to have a professor straight from the source!”

Smirking Ron turned towards Hermione, “You’re pretty excited to be in Elric’s class. Is this going to be another Lockhart situation? He definitely has the hair for it, didn’t know you had such a thing for blonds.” He teased.

“He’s got gold eyes too.” Harry added, deciding he might as well join in. “Some might call them dreamy even.” Harry resolutely chose not to think about how that was the first word to come to his head.

“Ron! Harry!” Hermione squeaked. “I want to take his class because alchemy is an ancient art and it could be useful to know. There are absolutely no other reasons!” 

Despite the fact that Hermione was now glaring at the both of them Harry wasn’t quite convinced. He considered pointing out that blushing didn’t help her point, but then quickly remembered he quite liked being friends with her.

“Hermione’s obvious crushing aside,” Ron said, turning towards Harry. “What was it you wanted to tell us mate?”

Harry double checked both the professors were asleep, then launched into his story. Telling his friends everything he had overheard from Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and about the warning he had gotten before hopping on the train. When he finished Ron had gone paler than usual, and looked aghast. At some point Hermione had clapped her hands over her mouth, horrified.

This was not the reaction Harry had expected. He figured they’d be worried, he’d be kind of hurt if they weren’t, but it looked as if they thought he was about to be murdered right then and there.

Slowly Hermione lowered her hands and spoke, “ Oh Harry… Sirius Black broke out just to kill you? You have to be careful. We really can’t afford to go looking for trouble this year.”

“I don’t go looking for trouble,” He scowled. “It just keeps finding me.”

“I know but… just be extra careful okay?” Harry wanted to defend himself again but when he met her and Ron’s eyes, he couldn’t help but nod along to try and reassure them.

Ron was nodding too, “You’d have to be bloody thick to go after someone like that.” Whether he was trying to comfort himself or the others was unclear, but everyone seemed to relax a little more with that verbal confirmation.

Within minutes the three friends had settled back into casual conversation. As they talked about Sneakoscopes and upcoming visits to the infamous Hogsmeade, Harry couldn’t help but wonder what he did to have such amazing friends. Despite the news, they still made him laugh as they bickered over whether Crookshanks should be let out of his cage, and stuffed their faces with treats.

Even the rain that had started coming down mid-afternoon couldn’t dampen his spirit. And when Draco showed up with his goonies it was no problem to scare him off with not one, but two teachers in their compartment. Although everyone agreed that when the new alchemy professor started murmuring in his sleep it was a little creepy. 

Harry couldn’t help but think that things were going pretty good, considering a mass murderer was after him. Which of course, is when the dementors came on board.

ooo

_ Ed was warm. That was the first thing he noticed, the second was his mother.  _

_ He beamed up at her, holding onto her dress fluttering in the wind, as Al bounced behind him. The brothers had made a special gift just for Mom, a lifesize wooden statue of her favourite song bird. It had taken weeks to make, studying the little bird, drafting the transmutation circles, and creating about a dozen of the statues until they had made the perfect one. And that's what it was,  _ **_perfect_ ** _. _

__

_ “Wow little man! You and your brother have really outdone yourselves huh?” She was proud of him! Ed couldn’t be happier as he smiled up at her. _

_ “In fact, I’d even say it's  _ **_perfect_ ** _.”  _

_ Everything was perfect. Ed looked back to share his bubbling excitement with Al.  _

_ He wasn’t there. _

_ Frowning he turned back to ask his mom where he had gone. But something wasn’t right. Her face was withering. Sagging as it shriveled into a dark husk. _

_ And she smiled at him. _

_ Her skin flaked off where it wrinkled, exposing blood, bone and muscle. Her smile twisted beyond recognition. He stared in horror as an impossibly big smile, full of bright white teeth took over her face. _

_ “If only you could have been that  _ **_perfect_ ** _ when making me.”  _

_ She reached towards him with a broken arm and Ed stumbled back, falling to the floor as his left leg gave out underneath him. And when he looked down it wasn’t there. Just a pool of blood. _

_ His head rang as he frantically looked around the basement. _

_ There was blood and chalk on the floor. _

_ And a suit of armour. _

_ He scrambled towards the armour, reaching for Al. But when he looked inside the blood seal was flaking apart.  _

_ “No, no, no, Al you can’t go I need you!” He wasn’t warm anymore, he was cold, so cold. _

_ “Big Brother?” _

_ “Al!” He cried in relief, the warmth starting to come back. “Al, you’re okay-” _

_ “Why did you do this to me Brother?” Al whispered. _

_ He froze, cold and numb. _

_ “You cursed me to live in a suit of armour!” He was yelling now. “I can’t sleep! I can’t eat! And it’s all your fault!” Ed couldn’t even defend himself because it was true. He had done this to his brother. Al deserved to hate him. It was so, so cold. _

_ “It’s your fault.” _

_ There was a new voice speaking now. One he hadn’t heard in years. But it was all too familiar. _

_ He turned around slowly to face Nina and Alexander. _

_ “It’s your fault.” Nina repeated leaning on Alexander. “I just wanted to play Big Brother, why didn’t you save me?” Big tears leaked out of her eyes, tracing tracks down her cheeks. _

_ Then they were morphing together, dog and girl becoming one. Ed stopped choking back his sobs as he shuddered. _

_ “You could have saved me.” She whimpered, blood trailing out of her eyes now. He stumbled towards her, standing on mismatched legs, but when he reached out she crumbled into ash. _

_ He whirled around, desperate to find Nina. But what he found was so much worse. _

_ Standing not three feet away was Ling. _

_ He looked Ed in the eyes, blood staining his lips as it fell from his mouth. He smiled so sweetly as tears of blood streamed down his cheeks. Ed reached out to hold him. Ling was always warm. Ed just wanted to be warm.  _

_ When he touched his face it felt cooler than the ice of Briggs. _

_ And when Ling spoke, all he said was, “I should have known better than to trust someone like you.”  _

_ He didn’t sound hateful or hurt. He wasn’t disappointed or angry. He only sounded sad, so heartbreakingly sad. _

_ Ed’s eyes drifted downwards, that bone deep chill freezing his blood. His old scars ached and he collapsed with his world.  _

_ In the middle of Ling’s chest the skin was torn, leaving a deep gash where his heart should have been. Ed couldn’t breathe as he stared at the rivulets of blood sluggishly rolling down Ling’s stomach. _

_ He was so cold he felt numb.  _

_ But then he looked at his hands.  _

_ He looked at his blood soaked hands and the cold started burning.  _

_ He stared at the knife in his hands, and he broke. _

Gasping, Ed jerked awake violently. He whipped his head around trying to see around him, but it was pitch black. His heart hammered at his chest, trying to figure out where he was. He desperately hoped he had woken up as he fought to control his breathing. Grasping the thick metal bracelet on his wrist that used to be automail, he focused on the sounds around him.

He could hear the pitter patter of the rain outside as his automail port ached in tandem. And he could make out shuffling and whispered voices over his laboured breathing. Ed shuddered in the biting cold, as he tried to make out the voices.

“Professor?” That sounded like the girl from earlier, Hermione? “Are you awake? The train has stopped and we don’t know why.” She sounded scared.

Right, he was on the train to the school full of magic bullshit. Sighing as he gripped his automail port, Ed did his best to steady himself. It had been a nightmare, a fucking awful one at that, but now wasn’t the time to go thinking about it.

He was on a train full of children, the lights were out, nobody knew why they stopped, and he was probably the person best suited to protect the kids. Mustang better get ready for a flood of complaints, because Ed already had a fuckton.

His eyes adjusted as he stood up, able to make out the three shifting shapes of the kids, and the still form of Remus still asleep.

“Is everyone okay?” He asked. “Anybody hurt?”

Ed waited for the three students to answer. Then turned to wipe the frost off the window and peer outside. In the dark he could make out shadow like figures heading towards the train. He frowned watching them, they didn’t move like humans should. That was never a good sign.

Then there was a clatter at the compartment door, he whirled around pulling out one of the many knives he kept on him. He turned just in time to see the silhouette of someone falling through the open door. There were muffled sounds of distress, as the figure presumably tripped over someone’s feet, then the cabin was dead silent.

“Hey, Neville.” Sighed the kid that ‘Neville’ had tripped over, must’ve been Harry. From what Ed remembered that’s where he had been sitting. 

Ed decided if the students knew this kid then he probably wasn’t dangerous. So he pulled him off the floor, and slid the door shut as he sheathed his blade.

“Harry? Do-, do you guys know what’s happening?” Neville stammered as he fumbled for a seat. Ed silently debated on what to tell the kid. He could lie and say that whoever was boarding the train was doing some sort of check up. But the lights were out and the people outside hadn’t looked too friendly, it was a lot more likely they were being attacked in some way.

Knowing that wasn’t the best thing to say to children Ed instead chose to tell them there was no way to be sure what was happening just yet, and that it would be safer to stay put. Not a lie, just not the full truth. They all seemed content to do so, but then Hermione stood up brusquely.

“I’m going to go find out what’s happening from the conductor.” She claimed. Then she was at the door before Ed could protest and was sliding it open. 

All of sudden there was a thud and a chorus of squeals. Ed strained his eyes, only to see yet another kid had fallen into their compartment. Sighing in relief he reached over to slide the door shut again. These kids were going to give him a fucking heart attack before they even got to the school.

He turned around to shush the chattering students that, thankfully, seemed to recognize one another. They had already made so much noise in the cabin it was a miracle whoever had come on the train hadn’t found them yet.

Ed was about to demand the students stay quiet and stay put so he could make sure the other kids on the train were safe, when there was a shuffling from Remus’ corner. Then the cabin was illuminated by a small ball of fire in the palm of Remus’ hand. Ed mentally stashed that away in the ‘Unpack This Bullshit Later’ file of his brain, before observing the cabin.

All the students were sitting, and it looked like they hadn’t lied about not being injured. The two new kids looked to be about the same age as everyone else, their eyes darted between him and Remus.

He met eyes with the other professor and was about to speak when he felt a chill trail down his spine. There was a sort of wheezing coming from behind the door Ed had turned his back to. He spun around just in time to see long, grey, slimy fingers push the door open.

Ed placed himself in front of the students as he came face with a tall cloaked figure. The being, because it clearly wasn’t human, seemed to leach all remaining heat from the air as it hovered before them. The little bit of warmth that had been left in Ed’s body was replaced by a pool of dread. 

His automail port ached almost as much as it had after the surgery, but Ed did little more than shift his weight over to his right leg.

Just as Ed opened his mouth to tell whatever this thing was to fuck off or square up, the being sucked in a breath. Ed could swear he saw wisps of white fog drift off him as the compartment somehow grew even colder. Detachedly, he thought it was kind of like an evil vacuum.

His heart was racing, but everything felt slow and distant. Like he was drowning in the freezing depths of the ocean, weighed down by automail and the sins it represents. 

Memories flashed behind his eyes, the transmutation, Nina, Baschool… Ed jolted and shook them off, realizing he had gone into a trance and was listing towards the monster. Life really did just want to shit on him, throwing whatever the hell this was at him immediately after a nightmare. He leveled a glare at the creature, reaching for the dagger he had sheathed earlier. 

Then there was a thump from behind him, and a chorus of gasps. He glanced over his shoulder to see someone on the floor and Remus stepping over their body. The professor was pulling out one of those sticks they called wands as he marched towards the door. He barely glanced at Ed or the student on the ground, as he came up beside him and stared at the creature.

“You may leave now,” Remus said, his voice more confident than Ed had yet to hear from him. “You will not find Sirius Black hiding under our cloaks or stowed away in our luggage. Go.” Ed really wanted to like this man, but it was a little difficult when he seemed to be insane. He didn’t know much about the ‘wizarding world’ or the apparent monsters in it, but Ed didn’t really think that all you needed to do was ask for them to leave in order to not get killed.

Maybe the monster would leave if they smiled real sweetly and said ‘pretty please with a cherry on top’. Ed nearly laughed as that thought crossed his mind. Before remembering laughing in the face of death, despite being well adept at it, was probably not the best impression to make in front of kids.

Then the creature in front of him sucked in another breath and Ed’s thoughts rapidly rubber banded back to the present. And a little further into the past, but he had already made the decision to ignore the nightmare so he just continued to repress those memories.

He needed to do something, asking the monster to leave hadn’t worked. A kid had, hopefully, just fainted and Ed had run out of patience. So Ed came to the conclusion, that when you're faced with hostility and you're out of patience the only thing to do is punch the issue in the face.

Clapping his hands to transmute his metal bracelet to cover his knuckles, Ed pulled his right arm back and slammed his fist into where there should have been a nose on that god awful creature. There was a satisfying crunch as the monster's head snapped back.

But Ed’s victory was short-lived as it resettled it’s gaze on him. He could feel it’s stare boring into him, but he couldn’t see any sign of eyes. The creature’s mouth opened again and this time he was reminded of a bright, and sinister, wide mouthed smile with a similar gaze.

The creature’s hand darted towards Ed’s face. Just as it’s cold fingers were grazing his cheek, Remus snapped out something unintelligible and silver vapour shot out of his stick-wand. 

Hissing, the monster drew back. It retreated as the silver vapour seemed to chase it. As soon as it had cleared the doorway Ed slammed the door shut breathing heavily. He had so many questions, he didn’t know where to start. All he could do was lean against the door, listening for anything outside, as he went through his rather long list of curses.

Remus, who seemed much better equipped for the situation kneeled down next to the kid who had passed out. With the light of the fire still hovering in Remus’ palm Ed was able to make out the face of the kid in the glasses, Harry. The kid that was apparently wanted dead by a mass murderer.

The cabin sat in bated breath, until Remus whispered, “He’ll be fine.” The kids all let out relieved sighs. Then one of them made a start at saying something. Before Ed even knew what he was doing he was shushing the students again. Whispering, Remus told the kids they might not be safe yet, and that it was best to wait in silence. 

And Ed was hit with the sudden reminder that these were kids. Kids that probably hadn’t been thrown into the bullshit of the world yet. Kids that still got to be kids unlike almost everyone he knew.

What in the fresh hell had he signed up for.

But realizing that was the kind of train of thought that required a semi-secure state of physical being and mind, Ed shoved it off to the side along with every other bullshit thing that had happened in the past ten minutes. At least he knew that he wouldn’t run out of material for his letters back home.

Sighing internally, he kept up his guard of the door, listening for movement. Wondering how bad of an idea it would be to go up against an unknown enemy with who knows how much backup on his own.

Just as Ed was about to bring the idea up with Remus, the lights flickered on. Within a minute the train gave a rumble and started chugging along the tracks again. With the knowledge that whatever had happened, had most likely come to an end, the students seemed to let go of their remaining fear.

Ed half-expected to hear cheering, like when the rubble in front of the train was finally cleared. But the compartment remained steeped in silence. Ed took the opportunity to check over the kids from his position at the door.

None of them looked physically injured, but they were definitely shaken up. Their faces were gaunt, and their eyes kept darting between him, Remus, and Harry.

Hermione looked as if she was waiting for someone to tell her what to do, she kept opening and closing her mouth uncertainly. Beside her, there was a redhead girl,she must have fallen in when Hermione opened the door.

She was clutching Hermione and Ron’s hands, but had positioned herself as if to protect them, she had fighting eyes. Ron, who had been closest to the door, had also seemed to place himself to protect them. He was deathly pale, and only stared at Harry.

Across from Ron sat the most anxious looking kid Ed had ever seen. His eyes were glassy, on the verge of tears as he clenched his shaking fists. His body trembled like a leaf and Ed wanted nothing more than to hug the kid.

On the floor lay Harry, Remus had lain him out straight and Ed found it oddly reminiscent of a corpse. Which was really not helping him calm down. So instead he made a point to notice he was breathing and that the kids glasses were crooked.

Then finally he looked to Remus. Who had taken down his suitcase and seemed to be searching for something. There were a few more seconds of silence before he straightened up holding a small rectangle of aluminium foil. Ed looked on in confusion as he unwrapped it to reveal a  _ chocolate bar _ of all things. The train had just been infiltrated by whatever the fuck those things were, they still hadn’t checked on the other kids on train, and this man had just pulled out a fucking  _ chocolate bar _ ?

“What the fuck.”

“I’m sorry?” Remus questioned looking at Ed.

“What the fuck.” He repeated. “This train was boarded then unboarded by some freaky ass creatures in a matter of fifteen minutes and you’re pulling out chocolate? There are other children on this train and they could be  _ dead _ for all we fucking know! And you’re just going to sit here and munch on your fucking chocolate?” If Ed had just a little less self restraint, he probably would’ve decked Remus in the face. As it was, yelling at him still seemed to get the message across.

“Edward, I assure you the other students are fine. The dementors have strict instructions not to harm them, they were only searching for Sirius Black. At worst, the students will be shaken up.” He paused as Ed pointedly looked between him, and Harry who was still out on the floor. “Mr. Potter’s reaction is most likely due to some very… traumatic life experiences.” He sighed.

“And other kids don't have those? Can you seriously look me in the eyes and say there aren’t any other kids on this train who may have been affected like him.” In the silence Remus gave a very unsubtle glance towards the poor kid who was still shaking. Satisfied for now with the point he had made Ed continued with his questions, “So why did you calls those monsters demented? And what the fuck do they have to do with trauma?” 

Remus seemed to relax at the new questions, presumably because he found them easier to answer. “I called them dementors, not demented. They are Dark creatures that feed on human happiness, being around them draws out one's worst memories and nightmares, causing feelings of despair. They feed on joyful memories until they suck all happiness from you along with your soul. The dementors are here so they can find the escaped convict Sirius Black, they’re eager to bring him back to Azka-”

“I’m sorry, they fucking what?” Ed interrupted. “They suck out your fucking soul? How come I was never briefed on the goddamn trauma demons and their shittyass blowjobs!”

There was an awkward silence as everyone stared at him. Maybe he had been a little too generous with the swearing, but that was a problem for Future Ed.

“Uh, would you like some chocolate Edward? It helps with the after effects of dementor encounters.” Remus said as if Ed was a child or a particularly aggressive cat.

“How so?” Ed asked. “That chocolate doesn’t have any weird magic modifications does it?” The last thing he needed now, was to eat magic chocolate that turned him into a frog.

Sighing, Remus started breaking the chocolate bar into smaller pieces and handing them out to the students, “I assure you the chocolate is entirely normal Edward, it simply brightens the mind and warms the body. Please just eat the chocolate, I promise I’ll go check up on all the other students once Harry wakes up.”

Ed was going to keep arguing, but the man sounded so defeated he ended up giving him the benefit of the doubt. Remus murmured a soft and tired thanks, as Ed stepped over Harry’s still body to accept the chocolate. 

He immediately shoved the chocolate in his mouth, scowling at how sweet and milky it was. Couldn’t there have been a chocolate with a higher cocoa percentage? But nonetheless, it did make him feel better. The warmth he’d been missing since he fell asleep had begun to come back and his port ached a little less.

Then the aches came back, and oh yeah coming off adrenaline rushes sure did suck. Rolling out his right shoulder he plopped down on the bench, beside the new kid that was sitting wear Harry had been. 

Glancing over Ed saw the poor guy was still trembling as he tentatively nibbled on his chocolate. On the floor, it seemed Harry had woken up, but unlike the rest of the students, the kid beside him didn’t relax.

Checking that Remus had Harry covered, Ed turned towards the boy beside him, “What’s your name?”

“Um… Nev-” He took a deep shuddering breath. “Neville Longbottom, sir.” He whispered, staring at his lap.

“Well Neville, it’s very nice to meet you. There’s no need to call me sir though, why don’t you just call me Ed.” He smiled. Neville didn’t look too sure about that idea but he nodded along anyways before Ed continued. “So Neville, what are you interested in? I’m afraid I don’t know too much about wizard hobbies.”

“Herbology, si- Ed.” The boy looked confused.

“Hmmm… herbology,” Ed hummed, unfamiliar with the word but able to guess. “That’s the study of plants right?” Neville nodded gingerly. “I’m afraid I never learned all too much about plants. I was always too caught up in alchemy. Do you think you could tell me about the subject?”

For the first time, Neville met Ed's eyes, “Really?” 

“Yeah,” Ed nodded, already interested. “Can I take notes?”

Neville nodded vigorously, as he began to describe the various families of magical flora. Within minutes, the boy had nearly stopped shaking altogether.

Ed nodded to Remus as he left the compartment to talk to the train conductor. The other students seemed to be having conversations of their own, but Ed was completely focused on taking notes.

He had barely processed the what the fuck had just happened, but talking about plants helped this kid, and it sure as hell helped Ed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve come to the conclusion that I would do anything for Neville.
> 
> (I didn’t have my copy of Prisoner of Azkaban on hand when I was writing the part where Harry wakes up so I figured I might as well just focus on Neville.) The joys of self-indulgence!!
> 
> As for the rest of this chapter, it was actually going to be longer! I was going to cover the carriage ride, the feast, and Ed’s rooms. But after checking the word count (abt 5700???) I decided it’d be better (and faster) to wrap it up. I think I like it more this way! 
> 
> Also, it should be known I have no idea how to write intense/action scenes, as evidenced by this chapter kicking my ass.
> 
> Regardless I hope you enjoyed and have a wonderful day!! Thx for reading!! :D


	4. Emotional Stability is like Walking a Tightrope… Fuckin Hard When You’re Missing a Leg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed's finally arrived at Hogwarts, and boy howdy does he hate it. That's okay though, largely he's just tired and thoroughly finished with wizard bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! Sorry for the wait (it's been over 2 months my goodness), I just wanted to (once again) a say a massive thank you to everyone who has left kudos/commented, every time I get an email I'm surprised! 
> 
> This chapter totally kicked my butt and the first bit at the train station is a bit wonky, a long with the pacing but I wanted to get this out! Hopefully the next chapters will be easier, for now please enjoy!!

The Hogwarts Express had finally arrived at the station, and Ed was looking more and more forward to the promised feast by the minute. According to Neville, who had begun to talk about Hogwarts itself after a question surrounding herbology classes, there was a massive feast at the beginning of each term. 

Neville had also informed him that the train station was in the small town of Hogsmeade. He had said that this year, the third years would finally be able to visit the most popular (and only) hotspot off of school grounds. Apparently the joke and sweet shops would be well worth the wait. 

Collecting their baggage (Remus had yet to come back from going to visit the conductor, so Ed grabbed his as well), everyone in their cramped compartment made their way off the train. Ed groaned looking at the sky, not only was it still raining harder than a cow pissing on a flat rock, it was freezing too. It was a damn good thing Winry had switched out his automail to the cold weather version. 

Ed waved goodbye to Neville, who’s pale face had finally regained enough colour so that he didn’t look to be on the verge of death, and set off to the front of the train. Where Remus would hopefully be waiting. Ed was not eager to be out in the rain any longer than necessary.

Exactly where Ed thought he would be, Remus was at the front of the train wrapping up a conversation with the conductor. They met halfway, and greeted each other and Ed passed over Remus’ luggage. 

As they walked towards the luggage wagon, Remus explained that teachers who arrived on the Hogwarts Express took a different carriage, on a separate path, from the students. The path the students took was the more scenic route, while the teachers took the faster one. To get to the carriages they still had to walk down the winding street of Hogsmeade with the students though. They dropped off their luggage, and turned onto the main road of Hogsmeade. In Ed’s opinion, the street was much too long, especially when it was so cold and rainy.

As Ed and Remus walked down the street in silence, Ed noticed that the students were rather quiet for, presumably, not having seen each other all summer. The students were as dreary as the gloomy sky up above, still pouring buckets down on everyone. They whispered and clung to each other, pointing at the sky then snapping their heads down. Ed looked up slowly, only to find more dementors looming ominously high above.

Shuddering, Ed rubbed his right shoulder. He stared at the ground, as he pointedly ignored the urge to find an inn and forgo the carriage ride and feast entirely. Remus looked at him concernedly, lucky for Ed he held his tongue. 

Looking up again, Ed saw the small village had come to an end, and was now replaced by a long line of carriages pulled by dark horses, on a path that went over the horizon. Remus pointed to a singular carriage off to the right. That must be their carriage, Ed thought tiredly. The students didn’t pay the carriage any mind as they eagerly boarded their own reprises from the rain.

Ed and Remus made their way to the teachers' horse-drawn carriage, walking through the traffic of students, as opposed to with it. Ed lost track of how many flailing limbs and children hit him in. As they broke free of the crowd and approached the single lonely carriage, Ed began to question if the two creatures pulling the carriage were really horses. Once they were ten feet from the “horses” Ed stopped, even in the dark he could make out their unnatural forms.

Their anatomy was similar enough to horses to pass at a distance, but their heads looked reptilian and bird like. Their dark skin was stretched thin over knobbly legs and horribly small bodies. Ed stared in horror, he could count every single bone in it’s large boney body if he wanted to, the creatures were being treated abysmally. The large leathery wings folded against their sides flapped anxiously as he met the creatures milky pupiless eyes. Glancing to where the students were getting in their own carriages Ed saw they didn’t even acknowledge them.

The most disturbing thing about these creatures though, was that Ed couldn’t even see the seams of the different animals used. Whoever had made these chimeras had known exactly what they were doing. It hadn’t even been a full day in the wizarding world, but Ed was ready to go on a fucking rampage.

Feeling nauseous Ed turned to glare at Remus, “What the fuck are these?” He hissed. “I thought I was brought here to teach alchemy. Why the fuck does Beardy need me when there's already an alchemist making the school its own personal fucking horde of chimeras?”

Remus looked confused, then his face fell, “So you can see them.” He said in a resigned voice. Taking a deep breath Ed reminded himself that punching your coworkers is not something you can do as a teacher. He could punch Mustang though. Yeah, he was definitely going to punch Mustang for dropping this bag of fuckery into his lap.

“No, I don't see the very obvious nightmare fuel standing in front of me.” Ed spat sarcastically. Remus simply sighed tiredly. It was the exact same sigh Ed had elicited many times from Mustang when he was younger. And older, but that wasn’t the point because he was currently soaking wet, aching all over, pissed as all hell and exhausted as  _ fuck.  _

“What the fuck are these?” Ed reiterated, angrily gesturing for emphasis. “If those are horses, which they don’t fucking look it, then they are being severely mistreated!”

“Edward,” Remus said, once again doing a wonderful impression of Mustang’s long suffering tone. “These are thestrals, not chimeras. And I can assure you they are being well treated, they always look like that. We don’t have the time to stand around in the rain, but I can tell you everything I know about them if it will get you in the carriage.”

Remus met Ed’s furious gaze tiredly, before Ed sighed in defeat and swung the carriage door open. Grunting, he grabbed onto the handle to the right and swung himself in with a leap, rocking the carriage as he landed. Ed sat heavily in the seat facing the front, cursing carriages made for giants as he massaged his leg port.

Looking at him strangely, Remus pulled down the step that had been folded against the side of the carriage. Ed resisted the urge to slam his head into his hand for not noticing, as Remus took the seat in front of him. 

Then moments after he closed the door, the carriage surged forward with a lurch, beginning the long trek to Hogwarts: School of Witchcraft and Fuckery.

An awkward silence filled the carriage, as both men avoided each other’s eyes. Without students to look out for, the built up tension and anxiety from the

recent events had no positive outlets. Not to mention, Ed had kinda just yelled at the man over the creatures pulling their carriage.

Sighing, Ed took a moment to collect his thoughts as he wrung out the water in his ponytail onto the floor. Now that things had begun to slow down, everything that had happened on the train was really beginning to crash down on him.

Ed wanted nothing more in that moment, than to curl up in Ling’s warm and comforting arms, sleeping free of haunting dreams and memories.

Which was a bit difficult to do currently, seeing as he still had a feast to sit through. The fact that Ling was hundreds of miles away and Ed wouldn’t be seeing him for months also threw a wrench into his hopeful plans, but Ed was working on pushing those feelings down and away until he was alone.

Under no circumstances would he allow breakdowns before dinner. After maybe, but food came first.

Taking a deep breath, and upholding his longstanding tradition of repressing his emotions, Ed wiped the beginning frown from his face and leveled his gaze with Remus.

“So,” Remus startled, apparently not expecting Ed to talk just yet. “You said those chimeras up front aren’t actually chimeras? They’re thestrals?” Ed did his best to keep the venom out of his voice. The poor guy across from him wasn’t exactly having a great day either.

Visibly releasing the tension in his shoulders, Remus relaxed into the cushioned seat behind him. 

“Yes, they’re thestrals. Technically they are classified as a breed of winged horse. Though as you obviously noticed, they don’t quite match that description. Despite their appearance, I assure you the Hogwarts herd is gentle and safe for the children to be around.”

Ed nodded along, expecting more when Remus sighed.

“I’m afraid my knowledge of them is rather lacklustre, we covered them my sixth year but I was always more one for Transfiguration class, than Care of Magical Creatures. I’m sure the current professor of that class, or the library will have ample information on thestrals if you’d like to know more.”

Ed closed his eyes, most definitely  _ not _ suppressing the urge to scream because he was expecting more information. Then he remembered something odd Remus had said.

“Wait a second,” Ed said leaning forward. “How come you acted so strange about me seeing the thestrals. They’re not exactly subtle.”

“Ah… well,” Remus glanced around, wringing his hands anxiously. “Thestrals are rather peculiar in the way that,” He inhaled deeply. “They are only visible to those that have seen and understood death.”

Why was Ed surprised? Everything that had happened was already so fucked up. They already have soul-sucking trauma ghosts! Let’s add freaky flying horses that you can only see if you’ve watched someone die! Why not?!

“Why.”

He breathed in. Remus cringed in anticipation.

“The  _ fuck _ .” Ed breathed out, dragging his hands down his face.

“Was that not the first thing you said about them! Holy shit! How does that even work?!”

Remus winced looking apologetic, “Well, everything else has already been so overwhelming. Especially for someone that has no experience with magic. I figured you could use a break, and what you didn’t know wouldn’t hurt you.” Even Remus didn’t seem sure of his response.

Reminding himself to breathe slowly, Ed leaned forward placing his head in his hands. He hated that phrase so much, and apparently it translated to English too.

_ What you don’t know won’t hurt you. _

So often were people wrong when they promised that. They didn’t always mean to be malicious. It was just a matter of a lack of thinking ahead.

For the nth time that night, Ed gathered himself together again. He pointedly avoided thinking about Hughes, the riots in Liore, and everything he  _ didn’t need to know about, because…  _

_ You’re too young. _

_ You would have done something reckless. _

_ You would have blamed yourself. _

_ You didn’t need to know just yet. _

_ You weren’t  _ **_supposed_ ** _ to know. _

Ed sat up, shaking his head loose of all the excuses he had heard when adults had withheld information from him. Chances are the list of shit excuses would only grow, but that wasn’t worth dwelling on.

“I can probably find out whatever makes thestrals visible after watching someone die from the library right?” Ed asked tiredly. Remus nodded hesitantly, probably happy to see an end to Ed’s anxiety fueled questions in sight.

“I’ll do that later then. Are there any other fucked up things I should know about? I read something about ghosts and sentient paintings, there isn’t any soul shit going on there right?” Ed had started the day eager to learn as much as he could about the fucky shit wizards had going on, but now he just wanted to get through dinner with no surprises.

As Remus began explaining the ghost and paintings, Ed settled in for the ride. He was still tense, and his scars ached, aggravated by rain and memories. It was likely he wouldn’t truly relax until he was comfortable in this strange new world. Which was sure to take awhile.

But he had hopefully made a friend in Remus, and he had promises of warm food and comfort waiting in the castle. When it came to Ed’s experiences, things could definitely be worse.

ooo

After Ed managed to calm his shit he found the ride to be decently enjoyable. Well, as enjoyable as it could be when his leg port throbbed angrily and his right shoulder ached like that was the only thing left it could do.

From Remus’ descriptions it seemed the paintings and ghosts (fucking ghosts?), were just as batshit crazy as everything else Ed had encountered in the wizards fucked up world. Ed was seriously wondering how the wizard kids who grew up without magic managed to deal with this shit. Thank Truth and every fucked up thing about them and their gate, there wasn’t actually any soul alchemy involved.

Remus had also explained the house elves Ed had read about in  _ Hogwarts: A History. _ Not only did they do all the cooking and cleaning at Hogwarts. Apparently they were also the personal servants of wizards who could afford them. Ed found everything surrounding their treatment to be severely fucked. Their ‘payment’ was that they had a place to live, they weren’t allowed to wear any sort of proper clothing, and ‘house’ was literally in their name! And apparently house elves were not only okay with all of this, but they were happy to be in the service of wizards! Bullshit!

Ed had been about to continue telling Remus exactly how fucked up it was when the carriage came to a stop. The two men shared a look, then Ed reached over and popped the door open. 

Standing in the rain was Professor McGonagall, behind her was a massive brick wall and a door set in it half ajar. The teacher's wand was held upright seemingly forming an invisible umbrella. Ed turned to look at Remus who, like him, was still soaked from walking in the rain. Then he looked back at McGonagall, who was drier than the desert between Amestris and Xing.

Ed couldn’t help but laugh as he climbed out of the carriage. Before he had even touched the ground, McGonagall had extended her magic umbrella to cover him as well. Ed turned to watch as she did the same for Remus.

“So,” Ed said, locking eyes with Remus. “Any reason you didn’t use the same magic umbrella?” Remus went red as Mcgonagall sighed behind Ed. He mumbled out a response about it being unfair to the students, but to Ed it looked like the man had forgotten it was something he could do.

Before Ed could reply Remus addressed McGonagall, “Thank you for meeting us Professor. As I’m sure you've already heard, the dementors caused some trouble earlier on the train-”

“If by some trouble, you mean they made at least one kid pass out and tried to eat our  _ souls _ , then yeah they caused some trouble.” Ed interjected. 

“It didn’t try to eat our souls Ed.” Remus said with a long suffering sigh. Then he turned back towards McGonagall. “To our knowledge the only student to lose consciousness was Mr. Potter. I gave him and his friends some chocolate but I think it would be wise to have Madame Pomfrey check him over.” Professor McGonagall’s entire demeanour shifted at that, going from concerned yet professional, to worried yet professional. A subtle change, but noticeable in the way her mouth pursed and her eyes widened. Ed would know the difference, having put many adults through the exact same facial change.

“Thank you for telling me dear.” She said hurriedly. “I’ll have Albus talk to the dementors. Why don’t you two head inside and I’ll find Mr. Potter, I needed to talk to his friend Miss Granger anyhow. I assume you know the path the professors take to the Great Hall?” Remus nodded sheepishly as if he wasn’t supposed to know. Ed would have to ask him what he had gotten up to as a kid at Hogwarts.

As Remus cast his own umbrella spell McGonaggall began walking to, presumably, the front of the school. Then just before she was out of earshot she turned around.

“And Remus? Don’t forget the hot-air charm, it’s quite handy for drying one's clothes.” Ed snickered as she swept off into the night, leaving Remus so stunned the umbrella he had conjured shuttered and fell apart. Grunting in surprise Ed threw his arms over his head and booked it for the open doorway. 

Remus joined him seconds later, once the door was shut he waved his wand in a complicated motion. Just like earlier his wand emitted something that by no means should be possible. Except this time there was no light, instead it seemed to push out a continuous stream of air.

Ed watched as Remus turned it towards himself, and the water saturating his clothes evaporated to steam. Remus looked to Ed, silently asking if he’d like his clothes dried too. Ed shook his head as he clapped his hands. Then he pressed them down on his clothes and watched as the same that had happened to Remus’ clothes happened to his.

Remus raised his eyebrows as Ed smiled at him, then he shrugged seemingly deciding that it wasn’t worth asking any more questions. So the two men walked in silence towards the promise of food.

The farther in they went, the warmer the castle got. Ed relished in the growing heat. But despite his now dry clothes and the warmth around him, the cold he had woken up in had yet to leave his bones. 

Remus brought Ed through what looked like a sitting room with a big table in the center. It seemed to be a very relaxed version of a meeting room. The fireplace on the far right wall certainly helped with the homey atmosphere. Then Remus opened the door at the back of the room.

When Ed walked through the doorway, all he could think was how ‘Great Hall’ was certainly an accurate name for the space. They had entered at the front, on a raised dais with a table for the teachers. Even with the table and chairs in front of them, it was an incredible view. He and Remus gazed around in silence, both at a loss of words, each for different reasons. If Ed hadn’t been living in the Imperial Palace for the last couple of years, Hogwarts would have easily been the most impressive building he had ever been in.

The ceiling was so tall it was impossible to not feel small. But Ed found it didn’t make him feel small in the way he hated. It was the sort of small he felt thinking about how truly massive their universe was. He didn’t feel unseen or insignificant, simply part of something bigger than he could see. Part of the All, because it would be impossible without the One.

Being able to see the dreary storm clouds in the enchanted ceiling did change the tone of the room, floating candles could only do so much to improve the mood. At least they filled the massive space with a comfortable warmth. Speaking of the candles, Ed was gonna have to ask how they did that. Did each candle have it’s own individual spell and placement, or were they all being lifted collectively? Did the spell(s) have to be renewed? Or was there a constant fuel source keeping them up?

Ed shook his head lightly returning his attention to his surroundings. It seemed that the students had yet to arrive, leaving the four long tables that took up a majority of the hall empty. Although if Ed looked through the massive doors at the end of the hall, he could make out the vague shape of a crowd of children rushing through the hall, likely eager to sit and eat.

As they walked behind the head table Ed noticed there were four seats left unoccupied. Two seats in the middle, which Ed assumed were for the Headmaster and Deputy Headmistress respectfully.

The other two free seats were at the end of the table on their right. They were between an anxious looking woman with large eyes, and a man who looked exactly like the kind of person you didn’t want around your kids. He had distanced himself as far as possible from the other teachers and was watching them approach like a hawk. And not in the comforting way Hawkeye watched Ed’s back. He looked more like a vulture, small beady eyes set deeply into cold pallid skin, lips pursed, clearly not pleased. At what Ed had no idea.

He wondered if his face had looked that sour the time Ling had made him eat a lemon. If so Ed could maybe understand why Ling had laughed so hard at him. On the bright side, at least he could be sure his hair hadn’t looked that greasy.

As they approached the man, Remus grew tense and Mr. Sourface sneered. Then Remus stopped several feet from the man, as they engaged in what Ed could only assume, was a staring contest of great meaning.

“Remus.” Mr. Sourface drawled, putting emphasis on the vowels. Man he sounded pissed, Ed thought.

“Severus.” Remus replied, short, as if he was barely restraining himself, from what Ed had no idea.

Sighing heavily, in no mood to keep standing, Ed plopped himself down in the chair beside Sourface Severus. Then he looked at the two men who were still making the most intense eye contact he had seen in awhile. You’d think they were about to start throwing punches. Or maybe start making out on the table. Ed wasn’t quite sure, the chances had to be pretty evenly split.

“So…” Ed started awkwardly, just wanting to eat free of the surrounding tension, sexual or otherwise. 

“Did you two fuck or something? I promise you, that seeing each other’s dicks does not mean you will no longer be able to hold regular conversations. Even if your guy's relationship ended on a bad note, I’m sure you can move past it.”

Ed figured that would be a decent way to break the ice. He leaned back in his chair expecting the other two men to, if not relax, than at least act civil. He had done this sort of thing all the time when Mustang was sending him all over the country.

Then he looked at the two men, to find their beet red faces staring at him horrified. Did he embarrass them? Well that’s too bad, Ed thought as he stretched his shoulders, reaching above his head.

“And who, pray tell are you?” Sourface gritted out, elongating his vowels.

Ed grinned at the clearly unhappy man beside him, “Ed Elric, I’m teaching alchemy. You?”

“Severus Snape. Potions.” He spat. Oh yeah, this man was going to hate Ed, that is if he didn’t already. “If  _ you _ are the alchemy teacher, I would have thought you’d be more diplomatic. You are here representing both Amestris and Xing, are you not? Making such obscene allegations as you have is hardly appropriate.” He sniffed dismissively.

After Ed’s shithole of a day, this was probably the funniest thing that could have happened to him. Diplomatic was one of the last words that described him. 

Cackling Ed threw his head back. “Me? Diplomatic? Ha! My roles in political situations extend exclusively to being the muscle, only being there to talk about alchemy, and being a trophy piece on display.” Ed ticked off all three on his fingers. “Personally, I think that “trophy husband who only knows how to make conversation about alchemy” is going to be my best role yet.” Snape raised his nose in disdain.

“Would you not need to be married to someone of high status in order to be a… trophy husband?” Severus said as if Ed was a child claiming he was gonna be an alchemy genius. Which in all fairness, Ed had in fact done that. And he’d succeeded.

“Oh? You must be engaged then?” Remus asked, finally catching on to the conversation, as he gingerly sat beside Ed. His face was still comically red, but he didn’t look nearly as embarrassed now. “What’s their name?”

“His name is Ling.” Ed said, the imminent dopey smile that overcame him whenever he talked about Ling beginning to take over his face. “He’s incredible, and I’m so fucking lucky. He could have had anyone he wanted, but he chose an alchemy nerd from out in the country.”

“Would he not still need to be of high social ranking for you to be a trophy husband?” Snape asked, speaking this time, as if Ed had forgotten the crucial ingredients for a major transmutation.

“Social standing has nothing to do with being a trophy husband.” Ed said with the confidence of a thousand suns. “But since you seem concerned about it, I think he’s high enough on the social ladder. Seeing as he’s the Emperor of Xing and all.” 

Both men were silent as they very obviously tried to process what Ed had said. Ed’s smug grin only grew bigger. There was nothing he loved more than bragging about how cool the people he loved were.

“I’m sorry,” Remus began slowly. “Did you just say emperor?”

“Yeah!” Ed replied easily, finding joy in the bewilderment of the two men on either side of him. Life may have sucked for the past few hours, but this sure did help put a smile on his face.

Just as Severus opened his mouth, no doubt to criticize Ed again, the massive doors at the end of the hall slammed shut. Ed sat up ramrod straight, all too familiar with imposing doors and what lay beyond them. 

“Oh, all the students save the first years must be in here now. The Sorting should be soon.” Remus said absentmindedly.

Ed had been so caught up in the conversation that he had barely noticed all the children walking in. All four tables were now nearly full, there were probably just over two-hundred students sitting at the tables. Strangely enough they seemed to be divided equally across all four tables, in fact Ed could’ve sworn that they were divided by the colours of their ties.

“Hey Remus?” Ed questioned turning to face the man. “Is it just me or are these children colour coded?” 

With a small laugh, Remus began explaining the Hogwarts houses, and the inner politics that came with them. Ed found himself increasingly confused by the wizards ability to make everything much more complicated than necessary. Then just as he finished, the great doors at the end of the hall swung open. 

In strode Professor McGonagall, carrying an old ratty hat and a stool. Behind her a shivering mass of about fifty fumbling students stumbled into the hall. Some stopped in their tracks to gaze around in wonder as others pushed passed them. Quite a few of the kids ducked their heads as the entire student body watched them enter, others raised their heads like they had been born for the attention. The one thing all the students had in common was how they all buzzed with anxiety, whether well hidden or not. They looked every bit the young eleven year olds that they were.

After hearing how much the assigned houses affected life at Hogwarts, and even at home. Ed couldn’t exactly blame the kids for their worry. How they would be sorted though, he still had know idea. Remus had said that it was a close guarded secret, and should be a surprise for everyone new to Hogwarts. Even Snape hadn’t told him, although Ed suspected it was just because the man didn’t like him.

Ed watched in confusion as Professor McGonagall placed the dirty, old, cliche wizard hat on the stool in the front and center of the hall. Then she stepped back, and the hat  _ moved. _

Ed watched in horror as the hat not only shifted upright, but split a seam and began  _ singing _ .

The hat was fucking  _ singing. _

Ed gripped the table so hard his fingers dug into the wood, surely leaving marks. The world span as Truth flushed the toilet of this shithole of a world again, leaving Ed dizzy and out of breath. Because  _ of course _ the wizards had bound a soul to a hat just to entertain their kids. And  _ of course  _ no one had thought to  _ fucking tell him _ .

“Hey Remus, what the  _ fuck _ ?” Ed hissed, turning to look at the man who appeared to be  _ enjoying _ the hat’s song. Remus looked at him in confusion, then alarm. No doubt Ed had some crazed look in his eyes, but that was the least of his problems.

“Oh I’m so sorry, I’m so used to the hat I forgot that it may alarm you.” Remus whispered apologetically.

“You  _ forgot _ about the soul stuck in a hat that sings for the school’s entertainment?” Ed responded incredulously.

“Well no one actually knows if it’s a soul.” Remus said defensively with a frown. “That's just a rumour, most people assume the hat’s personality is of similar magic origin to that of the paintings.” 

Ed was about to lose his goddamn mind. He was about to ask Remus how in the hell you didn’t know if the hat had a soul or not when you could just  _ ask _ it. But just as he opened his mouth, eyes drawing into a glare, Professor McGonagall raised her voice and called out a name.

“al-Sattar, Nisma.”

Ed watched in confusion as the crowd of first years shifted and a small girl shuffled out, warm copper skin flushed at the attention. McGonagall beckoned her up to the stool, picking the hat up gently. The timid child scrambled up onto the stool, then the professor placed the ratty  _ soul hat _ on her head. Ed’s eyebrows burrowed further into his forehead as the entire hall sat in bated breath.

Then the hat gave a shout of “Gryffindor!” and the table of students farthest left erupted into shouts of joy. Oh, Ed realized, this is how they get sorted. And then McGonagall kept listing names and Ed watched on in mild horror as the  _ eleven year old children  _ waited their turns to be sorted into their school factions by a maybe soul-possessed talking hat.

As the final kid made their way over to the table full of blue ties, Dumbledore stood up clapping his hands together.

“I would like to welcome all of you here to another year of learning at Hogwarts. But before your brains become muddled by our excellent feast there are a few things I have to say, one of which is quite serious…”

Ed listened with rapt attention as the Headmaster addressed the student body, explaining the danger of attempting to fool dementors. He couldn’t help but wonder why the fuck the wizard government thought they were appropriate for children to be around. 

When Dumbledore had finished, silence rang through the hall as everyone waited in bated breath. It seemed the man was trying to make eye contact with each and every student to be sure the message sunk in. Then as if flipping a switch, Dumbledore smiled and announced that there would be three new teachers joining the staff.

The hall gave a measly round of applause as Remus was introduced. Ed did his best to clap as loudly as he could, but it was difficult with Snape glaring at Remus on his right. 

Then a large man named Hagrid was introduced as the teacher for Care of Magical Creatures, replacing the old teacher that had retired to spend more time with his limbs. Ed could sympathize, though he did wonder what wizards had in terms of prosthetics. 

And then all eyes were on him.

“And finally,” Dumbledore announced with grandeur. “I would like you all to welcome Professor Edward Elric. Who has travelled all the way from Amestris to teach Alchemy, a course we have not offered for a hundred or so years. This class will be available to third years and up, I sincerely suggest giving it your best shot.”

While the applause was quite loud and wide spread, Ed noticed that more than a few students were leaning over and whispering to their friends, pointing up at him. Inexplicably quite a few of them seemed to be blushing. Ed’s face screwed up in confusion, then Remus leaned over and whispered to him.

“It looks like some of the students have already decided that you're their favourite teacher.”

“The fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

“I  _ mean _ that it seems some of them look to be developing crushes on you.”

Ed turned to glare at Remus, ready to tell him how that was impossible-

But then Dumbledore was shouting, “Let the feast begin!” And the golden plates and goblets in front of Ed were magically filling up. And all previous thoughts left his head. If it weren’t for Remus warning him beforehand it’s likely Ed would have stood up and walked away. Or maybe he would’ve just started screaming. It was hard to tell. 

Even with knowing where the food had come from and how it had appeared Ed wasn’t inclined to trust it. And that wasn’t just because the etiquette lessons he’d been forced to take in order to date Ling had drilled into him that no food was trustworthy until tested. But that was a large factor.

So as everyone dug into their plates, Ed clapped his hands together checking the chemical composition of the food for irregularities. He didn’t have a way to check for magic yet so he’d have to trust in everyone else’s judgment in that department. But Ed could check for any toxic alkaloids present. After that time he had almost died not knowing heartbreak grass was snuck into his food, he had learned to be a lot more careful.

Luckily it seemed no one in the school was gunning to kill him. But based on how Snape was looking at him maybe that would change. Ed shrugged, already shoveling the food into his mouth. That was a problem for later, Ed was sure he could win the man over.

Well he wasn’t sure, but he could probably make the man wait until after Ed had learned the different potions the man might use to kill him. Along with the antidotes of course, hopefully there would be a cure all antidote for poison he could keep on him at all times.

But Ed was likely just overthinking things, his overtired brain going on a tangent that would never be relevant. Snape may look malevolent and have a bad attitude, but that didn’t mean he was capable of murder. 

Having come to that conclusion, Ed refocused all his attention into the meal ahead of him. 

ooo

Ed felt decidedly out of place at the staff meeting.

The rest of the feast had blurred together for Ed. Then somehow; between Dumbledore dismissing everyone, and Ed standing up, he had been whisked away into a staff meeting. On the bright side he hadn’t needed to walk far, seeing as it took place in the room he and Remus had passed through to enter the hall. Small victories, Ed thought sarcastically as he slouched further in his chair.

Typically Ed didn’t mind being the new person, the odd one out of place. He was used to it after being the youngest State Alchemist, questioned at every turn. He was even used to the glares and awestruck looks that came from dating the Emperor and practically being a carbon copy of The Sage of the West.

But again, wizards were fucking weird. The quick glances and whispers Ed could handle. The thing was, being the new guy here meant he was at a significant disadvantage when it came to known  _ what the fuck _ was going to happen next. Which resulted in Ed feeling constantly mildly uncomfortable, and ready to fight at a moment’s notice.

Although he didn’t seem to be the only one that was anxious. Beside him Remus was gripping his hands, knuckles gone white from the stress, as if he was resisting the urge to fidget. 

The rest of the teachers were making polite smalltalk, and very obviously talking about him, the dementors and this mass murderer. They couldn’t be more obvious when they leaned in, talking in quiet voices and looking over their shoulders like they were about to be grounded. Ed knew he was far from subtle when it came to well, everything, but even he could do better.

The door squeaked quietly as the dumb doorbell man himself walked into the room. All conversation fell away as he sat in the chair at the head of the table, clearing his throat.

“I would once again like to welcome you all back to Hogwarts.” Dumbledore began, clasping his hands as he made horribly intimate and awkward eye contact with everyone seated at the long table. “Especially Remus,” The old man continued after he had thoroughly inspected the soul of everyone present. “Who we are very happy to see returning, this time as one of our esteemed professors.” Remus blushed once again as the old man continued on.

“And of course, we are honoured that Edward Elric has graciously accepted the position of alchemy professor and travelled all the way from the Hidden Sector to teach here with us.”

Ed nodded along, trying not to snicker at the very blatant lie. He did  _ nothing _ graciously, and he didn’t so much as accept the position, as begrudgingly agree for the sole purpose of more information on magic.

“Now I believe it would be best for us to cover the topic of dementors. While the students do not know the explicit reason for them being here, I’m sure quite a few of them have picked up on it being due to Mr. Black’s escape. Although I believe it would be wise not to tell them he is likely to target Mr. Potter. We all know why he may go after the child, but the students need not.”

When the fuck was everyone else told the reason a grownass man wanted to kill this kid, Ed thought viscously. He was just about to voice his thoughts, when none other than the wet blanket himself spoke up.

“Before we move on Professor,” Drawled Snape, as he gave Ed the stink eye. “I personally would like to know Mr. Elric’s qualifications to be teaching here. Thus far he has been quite… unprofessional.”

“Is this because I thought you and Remus had fucked?” Ed responded immediately, pointedly ignoring the gasps of the other professors. “Because you can’t put that all on me. There was definitely some sort of tension going on between you two during your little stare down.” Ed declared, waving his finger between them. Dumbledore, being the odd man he was chose to ignore Ed’s entire outburst and instead answered the question.

“Severus, you need not worry over Professor Elric’s teaching capabilities. He’s quite the prodigy, at the age of twelve he became a state Alchemist in the Amestrian military, a feat most grown men would, and have failed.”

“A soldier? At twelve?” Professor McGonagall whispered horrified.

“Ugh. I know, the military sucks.” Ed groaned. “It was only a means to an end, I got out of there as soon as possible. I’m a court alchemist for the Imperial Palace of Xing now, gotta say they definitely have better benefits there.”

The table of teachers sat in silence staring at him.

He stared back.

Then Dumbledore cleared his throat and shifted the topic back to matters of school. Ed couldn’t help but lament his abysmal social skills. He was going to have to ask Ling, and maybe even Al and Winry for acceptable conversation topics to bring up with adults you don’t know. Then Ed realized in horror, if he got truly desperate he might have to contact  _ Mustang _ .

Shuddering Ed fought back the memories of Mustang drilling social etiquette into him. What an awful time, he thought as he dragged his attention back to the meeting. 

The bulk of it seemed to cover the safety measures they were taking to protect the students. In Ed’s far from humble opinion, it was not enough. Even he knew that kids wouldn’t follow the few measly rules they were planning to instate, and he didn’t even have experience with large groups of children!

Then with a final reminder to all professors to check their attendance rosters for any children who may have changed names and/or pronouns over summer, the meeting was finished. And Ed was beyond ready to pass out. It was probably about six in the morning where Ling was, and Ed desperately wished he could be lying in the early morning sun with him. But instead he was traipsing through the halls of an enormous castle, half-dead on his feet as Professor McGonagall showed him and Remus to their rooms.

They dropped Remus off at his classroom, 3C Ed noted. If anything, he wanted to be able to find the one person he somewhat knew in this godforsaken labyrinth of a school. Ed, so lost in his head, nearly forgot to bid the man goodnight. Then the door was closed and he was left to trail after Professor McGonagall. And so they continued on.

As Ed’s eyes threatened to droop closed, he couldn’t help but wonder how in the hell McGonagall showed zero signs of tiring. Maybe it was the time change kicking his ass, but even the other teachers had begun to look tired by the end of the meeting! They turned a corner and suddenly the professor stopped, Ed very nearly running into her.

Clearing her throat McGonagall gestured to the door, “And here’s your classroom Mr. Elric. Behind the desk at the front you’ll find a door that leads to your private office. Another door within that office will lead to your bedroom where this is a bathroom attached. If you find yourself in need of anything please contact me, my office is just off of the first floor corridor.”

Ed nodded along as if those words had genuine meaning to him in his barely lucid state. Man, if he got attacked right now he would be a mess. It was times like these having an assigned bodyguard was pretty nice.

There was the sound of a throat being cleared, and Ed dragged his eyes to where Professor McGonagall was watching him over her glasses. He stared back at her, unsure of what she wanted. Then she gave a pointed look to his classroom, and oh… look at that the door is open, Ed thought slowly. Then hit him.

“Oh! You want me to go inside! So that you can go to sleep, and I can go to sleep. That’s smart.” Ed awkwardly stepped into the room. “Well, um… good night I guess.”

“Good night, Elric.” McGonagall said, voice dripping in exasperation. Then she turned on her heel and stalked off to wherever the hell she said her rooms were. Ed had half the mind to say she walked like a cat.

Closing the door with a soft whoosh, Ed pressed his head against it. What a hell of a day it had been. Dragging his hands down his face, Ed sighed, turning to face the room. He silently cursed himself out for not checking his surroundings before closing himself in. 

Not that he didn’t trust the wizards in this whacked out world and freaky ass castle, (the staircases  _ moved  _ for fucks sake).

But Ed one hundred percent did not trust the wizards.

And as much as Ed longed to collapse into his bed, he couldn’t bring himself to do so just yet. After all the bullshit he had seen that day, there was no way in hell he was sleeping in a series of rooms that could have literally anything in them.

So, with a long-winded sigh, Ed began the long arduous task of poking into all the drawers, nooks, and crannies of his rooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Alchemy class! Wahoo!
> 
> Once again sorry for how long this chapter took! I really need to stop making my chapters longer and longer (this one is just under 7500 somehow??) But it's finished and out! I'm honestly not sure if the next chapter will take as long or not, fingers crossed it won't!
> 
> As always please let me know what you thought! And for my own curiosity, how old do you think I am?
> 
> I hope you all have a lovely week!! <3


	5. School Sux and Alchemy is Wack - Ron probably

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the second day of classes, and Harry and co. are about to have their first alchemy class. Hoo boy what will happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So,,,,,, it’s been over two months,,,
> 
> I honestly can’t believe it’s been that long, man does time feel weird. But despite how long this took me it’s here!!! 
> 
> I honestly could not tell you when the next chapter will be out but I’m not gonna drop this! Hopefully winter break will give me a break from schoolwork so I can have more time to work on this again!
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy!!!

Ed was late for class.

It was the first day and he was already  _ late _ for the class he was  _ teaching. _

When he had woken up that morning Ed had thought, ‘Alright, I’ll do my morning routine and stretch. Then I’ll take a shower and eat breakfast. After that I can go check some books out from the library, and _ I will head straight to my classroom so I know I won’t be late _ .’

And he had done exactly that!

Except checking out some books turned into picking up all the books the librarian Madam Pince had recommended. Along with every alchemy book Ed could find, twenty-six of them in total. Which admittedly wasn’t a lot in terms of research material, but it was a little too much to carry back to his classroom. Especially with the twenty odd recommendations making for over forty books in total.

So instead, Ed had brought all the books to a table in the far corner of the library. And he really had meant to only read for ten minutes or so, just enough time to skim the books and have a general idea of their contents so he could sort them. It was all a brilliant idea in the moment!

But then an incalculable amount of time later Madam Pince was standing over him saying that the bell for the first class had rung several minutes ago.

Ed had blinked at her slowly before her statement truly set in. Then he was grabbing his bag and scrambling out of his chair, frantically asking her to leave all his books where they were as he made a mad dash for the door.

Now he was rushing through the halls, red coat fanning out behind him (he had been nostalgic, sue him), as he desperately tried to remember where his class was. Ed had thought Central Command was hard to navigate, then he had been to the Imperial Palace and that was even harder. But Hogwarts definitely took the cake.

Ed swore that there was no system to numbering the rooms, and again the staircases  _ moved _ . Whoever had designed this school needed a serious course in  _ practical  _ and  _ easy to navigate  _ architecture. Ed could appreciate a little flare, cool suits of armour and looming gargoyles would always be in good taste, but  _ holy shit _ was that worthless when he had no idea where he was.

Finally, Ed managed to recognize his surroundings, and after backtracking and rushing through empty halls Ed caught sight of a crowd of kids around the corner. He sighed in relief, making a sharp turn resulting in his ponytail slapping his face, that must be his class of fifth years.

The group of teenagers were all crowded around his closed door, two of the students (who were absurdly tall for fifteen year olds) seemed to be trying to pick the lock. As he drew closer, a conversation began to form from the excited whispers.

“Why are you guys using muggle tools? It’d be much easier to use Alohomora.”

One of the redheads picking the lock began to speak confidently, “Well dear friend, that would leave behind a magical trace. However- ” 

“With these we can get in and trick our dear professor into believing he had left his classroom open! Make him think he’s going bonkers.” The second redhead finished, standing from his crouch to smile impishly at his peers.

“It’s never too early for a little mischief! It’s important to start early y’know, begin small and build up to something major.” The one still in front of the lock shouted.

Then the standing redhead made direct eye contact with Ed. They both stood shock still, Ed’s eyebrows slowly raising as the students grin began to grow strained. The rest of the students saw him and practically flattened themselves to the wall.

So Ed forged on. The redhead attempting to pick the lock had yet to notice the shift in atmosphere. Even with the other not so subtly kicking him, whispering the name Fred increasingly louder and louder.

“Quit kicking me George, these things are finicky and we don’t know how much longer the professor will stay in the library.”

Stopping in front of the boy Ed leaned forward, “Have you even picked a lock before? If you want even half a chance you have to turn the plug of the lock with the tension wrench. That’s the first step, you really can’t go far without it.”

Fred, presumably, reeled back, nearly smashing into Ed if he hadn’t straightened back up. Ed tried not to laugh, as the kid very obviously tried to cover up his “oh shit we just got caught look”. Then Ed looked between him and George, oh god they were brothers weren’t they, and worse than that they were  _ twins _ . Ed tried not to remember all the trouble he and Al had gotten into, how these two bore the  _ exact same  _ promise of chaos _. _

“If it’s any consolation,” Ed said, motioning for him to stand up. “You wouldn’t be able to pick this lock anyways. I used alchemy to lock the door, so that mechanism is effectively useless.” He tapped the lock for emphasis. Before clapping his hands together, and placing them against the door.

Giving the door a kick, Ed turned to properly address his students as the door swung in. Oh god he had  _ students _ , who decided he should do this again? Ed really couldn’t wait to see Mustang’s smug face again just so he could yell in it.

“I hope you guys weren’t waiting too long! Let’s get class started.” Then with a very tasteful, and not at all dramatic spin, shut up  _ Al _ it’s called  _ being cool,  _ Ed walked into his classroom.

“Y’know, you’d think he’d be taller.” Ed heard one of the twins whisper.

“And you’d think that  _ you _ would’ve gotten a detention for trying to break into a classroom.” Ed replied, looking over his shoulder. “It’s a good thing we’re on such  _ good _ terms.  _ Right? _ ”

“Exactly so!” One twin cheered.

“And might I say you’re looking especially tall today, sir!” The other echoed joyously.

Setting his messenger bag down on his desk, Ed very valiantly did not sigh and pinch the bridge of his nose. However much he wanted to. Ed almost felt bad for the years Mustang had spent putting up with him.

… Almost being the key word. That bastard had definitely had it coming. 

Behind him, Ed could hear the students settling into their desks. Quiet shuffles of paper and hushed whispers. Ed gave a brief thought as to if this was how Teacher had felt when he and Al were kids, or how Al felt before the lectures he gave on alchemy in Xing.

Then turning with a smile, Ed began to teach his first class at Hogwarts.

ooo

The Hogwarts rumour mill was going  _ crazy _ . Only one day had passed, but the halls were practically buzzing with excitement.

And for once it wasn’t about Harry.

No, everyone was talking about Professor Elric and his alchemy class. 

Not only that, but somehow, what had happened in Harry’s train compartment managed to get out. But only a few Slytherins, led by Draco Malfoy, had been jeering at Harry for passing out. Everyone else was talking about how Professor Elric had  _ punched _ a  _ dementor _ . Harry was actually a little sad that he had missed it, being unconscious and all.

But, despite all the chatter surrounding the new dream teacher of the school. Harry and his friends had yet to hear what had actually  _ happened _ in the alchemy classes yesterday. All they had to go off were vague descriptions: weird, kind of chaotic, scary, muggle like, and that it was going to be really,  _ really _ difficult.

Even when they had asked the Weasley twins they couldn’t get a straight answer. Just cryptic messages of locked doors and hard questions.

Which was what Ron was currently bemoaning, as he and Harry made their way from Double Potions to their first alchemy class. Hermione had mysteriously disappeared as soon as Snape had released them, so Harry was left to console their friend on his own. Ron had even made him take a detour to, quote “avoid his future torture at the hands of alchemy”. Harry quietly thought that alchemy hands sounded very stupid and incredibly silly.

“I can’t do this Harry! Alchemy is like potions, right? And everyone’s saying that this class will be  _ harder _ than potions. I barely passed last year!”

“C’mon Ron, I’m sure it’s not  _ that  _ bad.” Harry said, patting his friend's shoulder, as they approached the classroom. “All those things about how difficult the class is, that’s probably coming from the seventh years! We’re in our third year so he’ll go easy on us.”

Just as they were about to go through the door, Malfoy and his goons shouldered past, Draco sneering as he went, “Watch it Potter! You’re gonna bust up my arm more than that monster of a creature!”

“I swear if I have to spend another class listening to Malfoy whine about his damn arm, I’m gonna give that bloody idiot a reason to be crying.” Ron grumbled darkly.

Harry just sighed, as they walked into the classroom. Taking up the majority of the space were four rectangular tables in rows of two, horizontal to the back of the class. At the front and center of the classroom, there were two different chalkboards, the rotating kinds that you could flip over to the back. And in the front right corner, was Professor Elric, sitting on his desk and writing in his tiny notebook. He looked eerily similar to how he had looked the first time Harry had met him on the train. This time he was wearing a bright red jacket instead of black. Harry briefly wondered if everyone dressed like that where the professor came from.

It seemed Draco and his goons, along with Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott, had already claimed the front right table for themselves. Harry nearly laughed at how it seemed Draco was trying to surround himself with bodyguards. Right behind the boys, we’re Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bulstrode, and two other Slytherins he didn’t care to know.

The back table on the left was already full as well, Dean and Seamus sitting together as usual, each on one side of a corner. Parvarti Patil and Lavender Brown were on the other corner, whispering conspiratorially while shooting glances to the writing professor.

It seemed there were only three free spots left. So, Harry and Ron made their way up to the top left corner. On the left most side, was Neville, who had clearly heard the same things about the class’ difficulty, if his terrified eyes and ghastly complection were anything to go by. And on the right most side was some kid named Fay who Harry had never really talked to. 

Harry slid into the center seat, grateful to put his bag down, as Ron took the seat to his left. Then the redhead put his head on the desk, murmuring something about waking him up when class was done. 

Harry resolutely did not think about dipping Ron’s fingers in his ink pot, as he took out his supplies. And he  _ definitely didn't _ think about how funny he would look with ink smeared all over his face. No, not at all.

Then Harry sat in silence. He was quickly realizing without Hermione constantly making observations or bringing up new topics, he had no clue how to make conversation. And since Ron had decided to forfeit all education for the sweet bliss of a nap, Harry was left all on his own. Neville was definitely not in a state for light conversation, and beside him Fay was very invested in their book.

So Harry sat in his chair and very awkwardly tried to look busy with his quill and ink. It was only a couple minutes before class started anyways. He had entertained himself for much longer with much less.

So he sat there. Twirled his quill a bit, dipped it in ink once or twice. Sighing, he lazily scrawled  _ “Alchemy” _ on the top of his page. And Harry sat there some more.

Then, just as Harry was about to make a very sad and half-hearted comment about how Hermoine was going to be late, she collapsed into the seat on his right. 

And just like that, the quiet shattered, Hermione barely managing to get out her words as she gasped for breath.

“Are you two ready?” She said breathlessly, face bright red and smiling as she fanned it. 

“Bloody hell Hermoine! Did you do a lap around the castle before coming to class?” Ron questioned, raising his head just to give her a look to truly convey how insane she was.

“Well, I can’t wait!” She continued, avoiding Ron’s question. “I’ve heard so many great things about this course already! It's supposed to be a real thinking class.”

With a groan Ron dropped his head back down to the table. The thump was drowned out by the bell signalling the start of class. All eyes turned to the professor, still sitting on his desk as he finished up writing something in his small leather notebook.

Then with a purposeful motion, the notebook snapped shut and he looked up smiling.

“If you think I’m going to go easier on you than the others just because you’re younger, you better start thinking differently. ‘Cause this class is going to be one hell of a doozy.”

Silence, that Harry assumed could only be similar to that of a death sentence, blanketed the classroom. Then it was broken by none other than Ron, groaning loud enough to be mistaken for a hungry mountain troll. The professor’s smile only grew bigger.

“I’ll go over switching out of this class, or what happens if you get kicked out later,” The professor said as if that was totally normal and to be expected. “For now, introductions!” Then he hopped off his desk, walking to the chalkboard, a piece of chalk seemingly appearing out of thin air.

“My name,” He began, attacking the chalkboard. “Is Edward Elric. Everyone seems to be calling me Professor Elric, so I guess you guys can go with that. As for other information about me, you can all wait until the last five minutes of class to ask any questions.”

Harry let himself zone out as Professor Elric took attendance, answering on autopilot and wondering why there wasn’t a magical way to do attendance. Surely a better alternative could’ve been made.

Then there was a sharp jab to his ribs. He glared over at Hermione, only to find her staring up at the professor writing the words “Truth vs Myth” on the chalkboard in front of them. 

“Our first objective,” Elric began, facing the class with a smile. “Is to compile everything you guys know about alchemy, and then to _ destroy  _ it. Because so far, not a single person has been able to give me fully accurate information. Surely you guys can do better, right?”

The professor was clearly egging the class on, throwing out a challenge for the third years to beat the older classes. And it was working. To Harry’s right, Hermione had gone rigid, her hand fluttering against the desk ready to shoot up. Farther to the right, Malfoy had also sat up straighter, for once looking interested in class. Harry was prepared to say it was a damn miracle.

“Well? Aren’t you guys going to tell me what you think you know?”

ooo

As the class listed everything they knew about alchemy, Professor Elric wrote it down with a neutral face. Never confirming, nor denying. Harry got the feeling that the professor was trying not to laugh, or maybe cry, who knows maybe it was both.

Once it seemed that they had squeezed everything they could possibly know out of their brains, the professor stood back and let them take in the board. Harry was rather proud to say that he had managed to contribute what he knew about the Philosopher's Stone. Which honestly hadn’t been very much, but Professor Elric had looked surprised so he had definitely set himself up to look like a good student. The only issue would be maintaining that… Yeah, Harry was just going to have to cheat off of Hermione. 

After a couple moments, the professor cleared his throat, he pointed at the first bullet point on the board and read it aloud.

“Alchemy is a type of magic, in a similar branch to potions.” Draco straightened up proudly, having been the one to say that.

Professor Elric stared out at the students, face blank.

They stared back, Harry briefly wondered if they were supposed to do something. Then an incredulous look took over Professor Elric’s face as he threw his arms up.

“That is such a load of  _ bullshit _ ! No! Alchemy isn’t magic! It’s a  _ science _ , and before any of you start complaining about learning  _ “muggle sciences”  _ you better learn to suck it up!” 

By now the professor had begun pacing in front of the classroom, clearly already done with the sure to come complaints. 

“Because not only am I teaching you alchemy,  _ a science _ , but I’m also teaching you other “muggle” sciences! There's no way in hell you'll be able to pass this class without at least  _ some _ basic chemistry. So if you’re going to question me on this, it better be a damn good question.”

He finished, turning to face the class with a glare. Out of the corner of his high, Harry watched Draco petulantly raise his nose, clearly dumb enough to talk back to a man who had punched a dementor. If it had been anyone else, Harry would probably be some degree of concerned. Honestly, he was a little excited.

Was this how the Slytherins felt in Snape’s potions class?

“Professor, if I may ask then,” Draco began without raising his hand, and clearly not caring whether he could ask or not. “Why would we need,” He wrinkled his nose. “ _ Muggle sciences, _ to learn the illustrious art of alchemy. Surely you must be a wizard of great renown to teach such an ancient subject, why would you ever think to associate with such a primitive society?”

If Harry had any less self control, he would have probably fallen out of his chair laughing at how hard Darco was kissing ass. Instead, he shook quietly trying not to draw the class’ attention. Beside him, Ron was having his own struggles, trying to suppress giggles into his folded arms. Hermione shot a glare over to them, silently telling them to shut up before turning back to the professor at the front.

The professor who looked a mix of terribly confused and appalled.

“Uh, right. What’s your name?”

“Malfoy, Draco Malfoy.” Came the smug response.

“Alright Malfoy, I’m going to be honest, I started learning English a month ago and I did not understand some of those words you used. So, I’m just going to assume they were fancy adjectives to make you sound cool.” 

Draco spluttered, red in the face as Professor Elric continued.

“I will do my best to answer your questions though, because it should disprove most of the false things you guys “know” about alchemy.” He rolled his eyes. “First of all, I am not a wizard,  _ please  _ do not call me one. I am an  _ alchemist _ and a  _ scientist _ , you don’t need any sort of “magic” to do alchemy. Which I’ve, you know,  _ already told you. _ ”

“He’s a muggle?” Draco whispered scandalized, yet clearly loud enough for everyone to hear. The professor just rolled his eyes again.

“Yes, I’m a muggle, whoop-dee-doo. Now do you guys want to know how alchemy works and why it’s a science, or not?” Elric stared out at them with bored stare as they all stared back in surprise. Beside Harry, Hermione gave a small squeak in affirmation and the professor leaped back into a lecture.

“Alright, you guys don’t need to know all this yet, this is more of an overview so that you get an idea of what you’ll be learning.” Elric began excitedly attacking the second chalkboard with his chalk.

“But like I said, alchemy is a science, specifically based in chemistry. Which is the science of elements, their properties, composition and other stuff within that realm. Using an alchemic circle to conduct power, and specific geometric shapes detailing the purpose of your transmutation we are able to manipulate and transform these elements. That is alchemy, harnessing the power of tectonic plates to change the matter of the world around us on an atomic level.”

Harry hadn’t a clue what was being said. But the professor looked mighty excited to be saying it. As he stepped away from the board, Harry saw that a table of periodic elements had been drawn and filled in. Inexplicably, there were also four triangles drawn beside it, some upside down, and others with lines through them.

“This,” Professor Elric pointed to the board. “Is the periodic table of elements. It’s show’s all known elements that make up our world, along with information on these elements that will make more sense later. From my understanding only a couple of you will have seen this before, right?”

Harry nodded along with Hermione and a couple other students.

“The rest of you probably think that “the elements” refer to water, earth, fire, and air.” He pointed to each of the triangles in turn. “Well that’s wrong, there are a lot more elements than that. But in alchemy, we still use the old symbols for more general transmutations, because most consider it unreasonable to memorize the entire periodic table. I personally find it useful to know it, but I won’t make you guys memorize it since this class is really just an introduction to alchemy.”

Harry heard a scratching to his right, and looked over to find Hermione already writing  _ “memorize periodic table of elements”  _ on her parchment of notes. Her notes that also included everything the professor had said they didn’t need to know yet. Harry knew Hermione liked school, but he could never wrap his head around why she always did extra stuff she didn’t need to. Sure, Harry would like good marks, but honestly as long as he passed he was happy.

“Although, I will be making you memorize all of these symbols and their functions.” Harry looked up in horror to find the chalkboard already full of strange shapes. At this rate he might as well have just chosen to take Ancient Runes.

“Anyways, we’ll get into the specifics of all that later. And I’ll try to only teach the absolutely necessary chemistry information so we can get to alchemy quicker. Though if you find the extra time you should definitely look into it more, I’m always open to talk about it. Oh! I would also recommend that you all brush up on your math skills because chemistry uses it quite a bit and later on when we’re doing transmutations it will be useful to know some physics too.” 

Harry’s head was reeling, he was already lost and now the professor was telling them they needed math? Not to mention, Professor Elric had just sped through several different topics, of which Harry had only retained the fact that he had to memorize some stuff, and that he would have to do math. Did even still know his multiplication tables? The professor kept talking as Harry desperately tried to remember the math he had learned in muggle school.

Just as he could feel himself getting closer to the answer of seven times eight Hermione elbowed him again. He was about to tell her off when she gave him a pointed look and gestured to the professor with her head. Harry looked on in confusion, not really getting what was so important.

“So, everything I’ve just explained has contradicted most of what you guys knew about alchemy. Which leaves us one last thing to talk about.” Oh man, Harry had definitely missed some stuff, hopefully it was still all unimportant.

Professor Elric slowly erased everything off of the board, until only two words were left. He turned back to face the class, arms folded and a sudden serious aura about him. The classroom was completely still, caught in wondering what could possibly cause such a sudden shift in tone. 

“The Philosopher’s Stone.”

_ Ah, _ so that’s why Hermione wanted him to pay attention.

The Philosopher's Stone.

The magic rock Harry and his friends had almost died for. 

The funky, fancy, elixir of life that turns lead to gold.

Harry knew it was a serious subject, it was hard not to after going through the defences Hogwarts had put in place to protect the Stone. But Professor Elric really seemed keen on getting the message across. He looked like the mere concept of the Philosopher’s Stone had killed a close friend of his.

“The Philosopher’s Stone,” Professor Elric repeated with a sigh. “Goes by many names, the Red Tincture, the Fifth Element, the Sage’s Stone, the Grand Elixir… and just like it takes many names, it takes different forms, from liquid to solid. It’s most recognizable by its otherworldly red sheen.”

The class sat in bated breath, the professor sounded like he was speaking straight from a textbook.

“It also happens to be, quite possibly one of the worst things to come from alchemy. It has a history soaked in blood, and has caused well over a million deaths. I understand the curiosity towards it, hell I wasted just over three years of my life searching for it. So, trust me.” 

Harry stared in shock at the solemn professor, Dumbledore had never made out the Stone to be that bad. Why hadn’t he told Harry?

“The Philosopher’s Stone is not worth it.”

The class sat in a cold, dead silence, not even a breath was heard. Professor Elric just continued the stare at them, either waiting for them to crack, or maybe just waiting for the message to sink in. Harry avoided making eye contact, looking a teacher in the eye always was always considered an invite to be called on. Which Harry would like to avoid, thank you very much.

And simply put, Professor Elric was scary, not just scary but terrifying. He had been so playful at the beginning of class, and now he looked like the world was on the brink of collapse with only him to hold up.

On the train he had been the exact opposite. Apparently, once the dementor had left and the train started moving, he had been grumpier than a dragon in a tutu. Ron had told Harry that Elric had looked pissed enough to bite off Remus’ head, just for offering chocolate!

But when Harry had woken, and was aware enough of his surroundings to make observations, he saw the exact opposite of what Ron described. The professor had been sitting with Neville, intently taking notes about some plant or whatever that Longbottom had been going on about. Harry had distantly thought that he kind of looked like an older brother. Or at least, how he imagined an older brother looked that wasn’t a Weasley twin or Percy the Prissy Prefect.

“Having said that,” Professor Elric said, finally breaking the silence. “I know that telling you this is likely to make you want to learn even more about the Philosopher’s Stone. I was told virtually the same thing, and still tried to find the answers. So, if you’re going to take interest in the Stone, please come to me with your questions, and I’ll do my best to answer them.” 

As the professor turned to finish cleaning off the board, the classroom released the breath it didn’t even know it was holding. Tension releasing from the air as they all realized the strange lecture was over. 

Then Professor Elric spun back around with a great clap and broad smile painting his face. Harry straightened up instinctively with the rest of the class, all on the edge of their seats. The professor had a sudden mischievous fire in his eyes, like he was about to tell them something awe inspiring, maybe alchemy had some great pay off. Or  _ maybe, _ he was about to  _ demonstrate  _ alchemy for them!

“Homework!”

Homework?

Oh  _ shit _ , homework.

Professor Elric smiled gleefully,  _ no _ demonically, at the horrified students in front of him. Harry got the feeling that he was  _ not _ going to be enjoying alchemy homework. At this point his only hope could be that he wouldn’t have to write full essays like in potions.

“As I mentioned earlier, there are a couple symbols and such you will have to memorize. Lucky for you, I want you to be able to understand the concepts behind them first.” The class let out a collective sigh. 

“But! I would like you all to review basic arithmetic, algebra and geometry. Apparently you guys don’t have a mandatory basic mathematics course, which is kind of stupid because I went to school in a field and even we had math. Anyways, I will be reviewing everything you need, but I recommend you all make an effort to look into it.”

“Did you say you went to school in a field?” Draco asked with a sour face, apparently only getting one thing from what was said. The professor just leveled him with a bored stare.

“You can ask that again at the end of class, the time when you’re  _ supposed  _ to ask questions like that, and maybe you’ll get an answer.” 

To Draco’s right, Blaise Zabini snickered as Professor Elric continued on. The rest of the class whispered in confusion and horror at the prospect of needing  _ math _ for the course.

“Anyways, as I was saying, you would all benefit from reviewing some mathematics. The next thing you all need to do, and this isn’t a suggestion, is to practice drawing perfect circles by hand.” The professor turned around and gave them a pointed look. 

“And before anyone tries to ask me why the hell you could need that, in order to do an alchemical transmutation you need a circle to conduct your power. I think I mentioned that earlier. The more perfect your circle is, the better your transmutation will turn out.” Before Elric could continue, a student raised their hand.

“Sir?” Parvarti Patil questioned. “Is it really possible to draw a perfect circle? Especially with a quill?”

“It sure is possible! With a quill I imagine it would be more difficult, but you guys will be using chalk so no worries there. In fact, I’ll hand out that chalk for you now.” Finishing with a smile, Professor Elric walked away from the blackboard to his desk, grabbing a medium sized cardboard box from the ground beside it.

As he walked around the classroom, handing out small metal tins, starting at Draco’s table and working around, he continued to explain the task. 

“Drawing perfect circles takes practice, it’s about control and confidence. I like to think that if you aren’t sure in your movements, the circle will reflect that and be shaky or uneven.”

He finally made it up to Harry’s table, handing them the small rattling tins. Ron opened his, showing two sticks of stark white chalk. Beside Harry, Hermione was examining the strange rectangular markings on the chalk tins.

“I’ll give some more tips on circles next class, for now I just want you all to draw ten circles about the size of your hands.” Harry watched as Draco started to raise his uninjured arm, clearly opening his mouth to whine about how he wouldn’t be able to do the homework. Before he could say more than “Sir”, Professor Elric cut him off, acting like he didn’t even see him.

“Five circles should be drawn with your right hand, and five with your left. So Draco, there’s no need to worry about that cast of yours. You’ll just happen to have a little more experience with one hand than the others.” This time Blaise wasn’t the only one snickering, behind Draco the Slytherin girls were obviously holding back laughs too. Harry himself felt rather justified, knowing he would have at least one teacher that wouldn’t be putting up with Draco’s shit.

“Well, It looks like the only thing left to discuss is your first assignment! But we can cover that in a couple minutes. As promised, any questions you guys have I’ll do my best to answer. So, who’s first?”

Several hands shot in the air, Hermione’s likely the most enthusiastic of them all. She wasn’t even sitting down, just hovering over her seat like her raised hand was a helium balloon pulling her to the sky. Before the professor could point to someone, Seamus was already yelling excitedly from the back.

“Where are you from? Dumbledore said the name of some place, but I’ve never heard of it before.” 

“I’m from the country Amestris, to my understanding it is a part of a group of countries you all call the ‘Hidden Sector’.” He drew a circle with wobbly shapes around it, before making a small dot in the lower right half of the circle. “Specifically, I’m from this small sheep farming town in the east, named Resembool.

“We don’t have any sort of ‘magic’ there, and quite honestly, I didn’t even know you guys, as in wizards, existed until a month ago. As for the countries that make up the ‘Hidden Sector’ I can explain the basics to anyone that's interested later.” 

There were whispers throughout the classroom, about the rumours being true. One of their professors really was a muggle. Harry idly wondered if the country Professor Elric came from had the same music that they had in the muggle world. 

“How did you learn alchemy if you went to school in a field? And  _ why _ did you go to school in a field?” Pansy Parkinson asked condescendingly from behind the Slytherin boys. She spoke as if not going to school in a castle was one of the worst things that could happen to someone.

“Well, I didn’t have much of a choice about going to school in a field. Resembool is pretty small, so there isn’t a schoolhouse. All the kids just gathered in a field in front of a big chalkboard, and if it got cold we’d all pile into someone's house.” He gave a shrug. “That’s what happens when you have a higher population of sheep than people.

“As for learning alchemy, my younger brother and I learned the basics on our own from old books we found in our dad’s study. But you can only go so far on your own, so we found a teacher to study under when we were about nine and ten. We spent six months learning alchemy and combat under her.”

Woah, Harry thought, that’s young. Harry had barely been able to wrap his head around magic when he was eleven. And compared to magic, alchemy sounded downright insane, he couldn’t imagine  _ actively  _ searching for a way to learn it at  _ nine  _ and  _ ten  _ years old. And they also learned combat? What did that even mean? And more importantly, who would teach it to a pair of kids?

Harry zoned out as the questions continued, only tuning back in for Hermione’s question. She had asked something about alchemy’s uses and jobs.

“In terms of freelance jobs, there’s a lot that alchemy can be used for. But typically, alchemy doesn’t lend itself to being a casual job. Although, it can be used in a lot of different ways, so it isn’t exactly uncommon for alchemists to take up odd jobs here and there.

“Most alchemists go into research though, to develop their own theories and whatnot. Research can get really expensive though, and it can be difficult without connections or access to previous studies.

“Which is where the military comes in. Now, I’m not going to get into Amestris’ military history because that’s a mess and a half. Essentially, the Amestrian military hires alchemists, there’s a whole testing process, and in the end the alchemist receives state certification and a lot of money for research purposes. But the exchange has to be equal of course, so the alchemist must give all their research to the military along with their skills and service. It’s basically selling yourself to be a human weapon.

“Most alchemists look down on them, State Alchemists are often nicknamed Dogs of the Military. Harsh, maybe, but it’s pretty accurate. Although, the Amestrian government has been doing a bit better these past years, working for the military still isn’t exactly considered something worthy of high praise from the people.”

Harry looked around the classroom as subtly as he could, wondering if everyone else was just as lost he was. Hermione was positively enamoured, meanwhile Ron looked like he had just witnessed a troll wearing a pink tutu leap over the moon, which is to say, one part in awe and three parts baffled. The rest of the class seemed to be split between being vaguely interested and politely, yet hopelessly lost.

“Ah, sorry for the tangent there.” Professor Elric chuckled. “Next question?”

“What do you do as a job then?” Dean asked, leaning forward from where he sat behind Harry’s table. “Well, you’re teaching obviously, but before you came here what did you do?” 

“Well,” The professor said. “I had a brief stint in the military, but it kind of sucked a lot, and I was really only doing it for research access and funding. I think I dropped that about six years ago. Currently I’m living in Xing. Technically I’m an Imperial Court Alchemist and Researcher there, but for the most part they let me do whatever I want, as long as I don’t cause too much trouble.”

“Wait a minute,” Ron asked, suddenly interested as he scrutinized the professor. “How old are you?”

Professor Elric looked apprehensive as he responded, “Twenty-two.”

“Then that would mean…” Ron started counting on his fingers before looking up incredulously. “You were sixteen when you retired from the military?! When did you start?” The professor looked down, laughing awkwardly.

“Twelve.” 

The class took a collective moment of silence to process this information. Then another moment, and another. And just as they were about to reach the end of the final moment, Elric cut off the coming burst with a bright clap and a call for the next question.

Hermione, always the quickest to recover shot her hand in the air, excitedly asking about the different branches of alchemy. Harry thought it was rather stupid to ask something they’d probably learn later, but Professor Elric seemed to greatly enjoy the change of topic.

“Alchemy has a lot of different paths you can follow. Each of the four traditional elements can be expanded on, and you can get even more specific focusing on very particular transmutations.

“I myself focus on earth and metal transmutations, and using the resources available around me. My brother on the other hand, is currently focusing more on bio-alchemy, and alkahestry. Alkahestry is like a variation on alchemy, we’ll have a class on it later. But theoretically, you could take alchemy any direction you want.

“Of course, there are always limitations, and in scientific experiments you should always keep your morals in check. Alchemists have a bad habit of only asking if we can do something, and forgetting to ask whether we should. But generally speaking, alchemy is a diverse science applicable to nearly everything”

Harry zoned out again as another question was asked, he was starving and couldn’t wait to get to lunch. Alchemy already sounded so complicated, having it right after the hell that was Double Potions and right before lunch was sure to make it ten times harder. Taking Muggle Studies for an easy pass was looking more and more inviting. Then all of a sudden there was a clap, as Professor Elric looked over the class with a terrifying smile.

“Alright! We have five minutes left of class, so I’ll have to answer the rest of your questions later. Now, let’s discuss your first assignment, it’s probably going to be the most important one of the year, and you’ll have exactly one month to complete it.”

Harry exchanged a worried look with Ron. A month was a long time for an assignment. Which meant it surely had to be big, and difficult, and probably the worst thing ever. Slowly, the two boys turned their heads to look hopefully at Hermione. They could always count on her.

“You two are  _ not _ going to be counting on me for this assignment, understood? You  _ need  _ to learn to work on your  _ own. _ ” Hermione hissed.

Harry heard Ron curse softly beside him as he turned back to the chalkboard dejectedly. So much for passing the class.

“It’s really quite simple though,” Professor Elric explained brightly as he wrote on the board. “All you have to do is answer this riddle, by yourself of course.” He gave a smirk over his shoulder as he moved to reveal the board.

“All is One, One is All.”

The professor said the words as if they were the key to the universe. To Harry they sounded like the sound of his doom. Well actually, it sounded like that phrase from The Three Musketeers. But, since that’s all it made Harry think of, he was pretty sure that meant he was doomed.

“In one months time, on October third, each of you will have to explain what this means. This isn’t a trick or anything, it’s a fundamental alchemical concept. So, if you can’t give me the answer, you can’t continue this class.

“If you’d like to switch out before then, or now even, be my guest! If you don’t think you can handle this class then switch out so you can actually get some use out of your education. Of course, that’s not to say I don’t want you to try in this class! Put in your all, but know what your limits are and what you can get the most out of.”

This time the class didn’t sit in silent shock. Everyone was shouting, waving their arms and standing from their seats. Harry himself, was now seriously considering taking Muggle Studies. Beside him, Hermione was waving her hand like it had caught fire, and Harry might’ve believed that Ron had passed away if it weren’t for the drone of his muffled yelling.

“Well, that’s the end of class.” The professor said with a bright smile speaking over the cries of the classroom. “Have a great Friday and weekend! Next class is Monday, same time, we’re going to be getting straight into it and I’m expecting those circles to be done. So you better come prepared!” 

The yelling stopped as they watched the professor walk to the back of the classroom. He opened the door leading to the hallway before looking over his shoulder.

“What are you all standing around for? It’s lunch time!”

And with that declaration Professor Elric walked out of the classroom whistling as he went.

Slowly, the students gathered their stuff, but Harry had yet to move. His thoughts were still stuck on one thing, a phrase that he knew as going to be haunting him for the next month.

All is One, One is All.

ooo

Al opened Ed’s letter, to find it written in the patented Elric Brother Code TM , first developed to pass notes during class when they were children. With a sigh, already painfully aware of the likely chaotic and vulgar contents of the letter, Al sat down to read it.

_ “Dearest brother of mine Alphonse, _

_ I am writing to you the evening after my first day of classes, to let you know that I have arrived safely and soundly at Hogwarts.” _

The letter began in Ed’s neatest handwriting, which still wasn’t very neat, but at least a visible effort was made. Maybe, just maybe, Al wanted to let himself hope, Ed was having a good time with the wizards and everything was going well. But based on the fact that Ed had begun the letter the same way he used to begin his reports to Mustang when he was mad at the man… Al was not convinced.

_ “Not to any thanks of the wizards though. _

There it was. The “neatish” handwriting took a turn for the worst, as the rest of the letter devolved into furious chicken scratch.

_ You would  _ _ not believe _ _ the SHIT they’ve got going on here Al! Demonic wraiths that cause you to relive your worst memories  _ **_invaded_ ** _ the train full of  _ _ schoolchildren _ _! And not only that! But they quite literally  _ **_TRY TO SUCK OUT YOUR SOUL!!!_ **

_ In case you didn’t get that Al,  _ **_A FREAKY ASS MONSTER TRIED TO EAT MY SOUL!_ **

_ And then I was given chocolate ‘cause I guess that’s supposed to fix it!! It did not!!!! _

_ But wait! There’s more! _

_ The horses they have pulling their carriages? Not horses! But half-dead flying death horses that are partially invisible! _

_“What do you mean by partially invisible oh wise brother of mine?” You will ask. Well it means that only people who have_ _seen death_ _can see them!_

_ Now you’re probably thinking, “Well how the fuck does that work, and why are these things at a school?!”  _

_ Welcome to the club!  _

_ The books in the library barely explain shit that goes on here!!!” _

The next bit was actually just a mess of scribbles, Al took the liberty of assuming that was his brother’s way of visually representing inarticulate yelling.

_ “Anyways, now that that’s off my chest I can get into this properly. You better be ready because nearly everything about this place is  _ **_so_ ** _ supremely fucked up.” _

Al stared off into the distance, trying to process everything he had just read. He took a moment to breathe, and took a sip of his tea.

Then he gave himself a solid twenty seconds to rejoice over the fact that he could’ve been just as easily sent to Hogwarts, but his brother was chosen instead. Sure he felt bad that Ed couldn’t be with Ling, but he had so dodged a bullet there.

Steeling himself with a sigh, Al leaped back into Ed’s passionate retelling of his first experiences at Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don’t know how I keep making these so long, it’s becoming an issue.
> 
> This chapter was like 7700 words and I still felt like the alchemy class went by to quickly?? Absolutely wild.
> 
> Uhh my brain is dead and I really need to go do homework but I wanted to get this out so yay I did it!!
> 
> I don’t have the words to say it, but I really want to thank everyone who has checked out this fic and who has left kudos/comments!!! The comments make me so happy (and sometimes remind that I need to work on this whoops) but they really brighten my day!!!! So thank you!!
> 
> And before I forget again I have a tumblr! Feel free to check me out at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/canadian-crow
> 
> I’m on my phone so I doubt that link actually works so the name of my blog is canadian-crow and I have the same profile pic as here!


	6. Neville Longbottom and the Promotion to Protagonist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes school is stressful and some classes are just too much... so drop them!!! You could call this a filler chapter <3 but I call it Neville appreciation and he is no filler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “This is just gonna be a short lil scene of nev askin to switch out of alchemy” I said “definitely won’t be enough for a chapter” 4336 words later we find ourselves here
> 
> Shorter than some of the others but here nonetheless!!
> 
> (This is unbelievably self indulgent and you can tell because I used the word “swaggered”, and good for me honestly.)

Neville was way in over his head.

There was no way he’d be able to pass alchemy. After the first class last Thursday he had been terrified. Professor Snape still scared him more, but as a class alchemy might actually be scarier. It was certainly harder. 

It was Friday now, and Neville had only just managed to understand the basic theory of  _ what  _ alchemy was, meanwhile the rest of the class already understood the basics of chemical and physical change. Wasn’t it all just change? Why did it matter? Well, Neville understood how dangerous it would be to not know the differences, but that was besides the point when any deep or introspective thought on alchemy made him want to cry.

Neville only had the capacity to handle one emotionally demanding class at a time. And having double potions before every alchemy class was not working out for him.

Neville needed potions to finish the year, so he had to switch out of alchemy. The thing was, Professor Elric was probably one of his favourite teachers, right up there beside Professor Sprout.

But, Neville hadn’t a clue what Professor Elric had been explaining in their Monday class, or their Thursday class, or every single time he had gone in for extra help (three times so far). Still, the professor took the time to sit down and talk it through with him. He never got mad at Neville for not understanding, or looked at him like he was stupid. It was such a stark contrast to how Professor Snape treated him that he almost wanted to stay in alchemy despite the difficulty.

But, Neville really didn’t think he could handle continuing the class. It wasn’t necessary for where he wanted to go with herbology, and it would only cause him grief. So, Neville was going to walk into Professor Elric’s classroom, head held high, and tell him that he couldn’t continue the class.

Or at least that had been his plan when he left his last class of the day, defense against the dark arts. Now he was standing around the corner to the alchemy classroom, shaking as he clutched his new herbology book to his chest.

Professor Elric had been so nice to him, but once he told him that he was dropping his class, Neville was sure that would stop. Sure, the professor might not be actively malicious to him, but he’d probably stop saying “hi” to him in the hallways. Which granted, wasn’t the biggest gesture, but Neville already found a pit hollowing out his stomach at the mere thought of not having that small interaction.

A burst of laughter broke Neville out of his spiraling thoughts. Jolting in surprise, he poked his head around the corner to see the Weasley twins chatting with Professor Elric at the door of his classroom.

“Well,” One of the twins gave with a shout, as the pair walked towards the corner where Neville was most definitely not hiding. “We’ll see ya later Eddie!”

Neville’s eyes widened at how casual they were being, looking on in shock as Professor Elric’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Fred,” The professor sighed in an exasperated voice, giving the twins a pointed look as he crossed his arms. “I really should be giving you detention for that.”

The second twin turned back to face the teacher, speaking with a smile in his voice. “Oh come now Professor! Like you could really give detention to our sweet innocent faces. Your big, soft heart could never do something so cruel.” The twin drawled as he grabbed his own chest.

Both the twins, and Professor Elric laughed at that as Neville stared from around the wall in wonder. He knew that the Weasley twins had a habit of being overly casual with their professors, but even this seemed excessive.

By now the brothers had stopped fully in the middle of the hallway, turned towards the professor to continue their strange conversation. The second twin continued to speak as he leaned forward wagging his finger.

“Besides,  _ Eddie _ ,” He emphasized. “What makes you think his name is Fred?” The twin jerked his head in his brother’s direction. “He might be George, in fact  _ I’m _ probably Fred. You wouldn’t want to give detention to the wrong person would you?”

Professor Elric just rolled his eyes from where he was leaning against his open doorway, arms crossed. “Please George, I know how to tell you two apart. And I know there’s no point in trying to give detention to one of you and not the other. Besides, I highly doubt giving you detention would have an affect on either of you at this point.”

“Ah, I guess you’re too smart to fall for our party tricks then. You’re not wrong though.” The first twin said, he must be Fred then Neville thought. “Well, we really should be off! We’ve got lots of responsible student activities to complete. Try not to spend all of dinner in the library again Eddie!” Fred shouted with glee as the twins turned, heading towards Neville again.

“Yeah, yeah,” Professor Elric said playfully. “You two try not to cause too much trouble before then.”

Neville ducked beind the wall, suddenly realizing he had just been eavesdropping on their conversation. And he was about to be caught. He had only come by to drop alchemy class, and it was already going terribly before he had even set foot in the classroom! Neville would have probably slid down the wall groaning in distress if it weren’t for the Weasley twins rounding the corner at that moment.

Neville tried not to cower too obviously as he pressed himself against the wall, his herbology book held so tightly in his grasp his knuckles must be turning white. Why did the Weasley twins have to be so tall? Neville had yet to hit his (hopefully coming) growth spurt, so the redheads towered over him. Looking down with big curious eyes as they tilted their heads to the right in sync. 

“Hey Longbottom, watcha doing all the way over here?” One of the twins asked, Fred maybe. He didn’t sound accusing or mean spirited, just genuinely curious. Maybe Neville was being worried for nothing. He was still shaking, eyes stretched wide, but he did feel a little safer. Only a little though, who knew what the Weasley twins were going to do next at any given moment.

The other twin, George presumably, gave him a strange look, and Neville squeaked when he realized he had yet to answer. He fumbled with his words, tripping over his tongue and losing syllables on his lips. But eventually he managed to get out enough words for them to be considered a sentence and adequate explanation.

Luckily, the Weasley twins accepted his rushed half-lie of how he came to talk with Professor Elric, and had only  _ just _ gotten there. The twins weren’t malicious or revengeful in any way, and it wasn’t like anything important had been said in the conversation Neville had overhead. But he’d really rather not take any chances at all.

Heaving another sigh, Neville watched as the twins swaggered down the hallway, surely off to cause some form of chaos. Neville wiped his sweaty palms on his robes, before clutching his book to his chest as he took one last steadying breath. Then with a great amount of false confidence he stepped around the corner.

Then he tripped.

Neville stumbled forward, tripping on his own robes as a soft garbled shout fell from his lips. When he was finally able to stand upright he looked around in bated breath. Thank Merlin, the hall was empty.

He heard a snicker and looked to his left to find a painting laughing at him. The little boy sitting under an apple tree laughed at him again as Neville shrunk in on himself. Ducking his head, Neville continued his walk to the alchemy classroom down the hall, this time with a lot less confidence.

Neville was convinced that every time he did something embarrassing there was at least one person who managed to witness it. Whether a fellow student, a professor, a ghost or even one of the animated paintings. There would always be someone to watch him fail.

Full of apprehension, Neville poked his head through the open doorway of the alchemy classroom. Professor Elric was standing behind his desk tidying up a stack of short parchment papers. Neville wilted even more when he realized they must be the recent quiz they had on states of matter and mixtures. He had definitely bombed that one.

Psyching himself up, Neville prepared to knock on the wall next to the open doorway. Just as he raised his fist the professor inside began to speak.

“You can come in Neville.” Professor Elric said, looking towards the doorway with a warm smile.

“Oh! Yes! Thank you sir!” Neville squeaked as his head bobbed up and down. The professor chuckled quietly as he waved him over to his desk in the corner.

“So what brings you here today?” Professor Elric asked with a kind smile as Neville made his way over.

“Oh! Uh…” Neville fidgeted with his herbology book. Standing in front of the desk, the Gryffindor awkwardly looked anywhere but the professor's face.

“Well you see…” Neville trailed off again, chancing a quick glance up to see Professor Elric looking at him with a curious look. “I- I was just thinking-…”

Neville let out a shaky breath before trying again. He opened his mouth only to find out he couldn’t even make a sound this time. At this point, Neville’s face was on fire, and an uncomfortably familiar pressure was building behind his eyes. He drew in a raggedy breath determined not to cry in front of his favourite teacher.

“Hey, deep breaths buddy. You’re okay Neville. I promise I won’t get any kind of upset at you no matter what you say. So just take a moment to breathe, and take your time.”

Looking up to Professor Elric in shock, Neville nodded slowly. The professor didn’t look like he was pitying or demeaning him. He just looked determinedly encouraging. He reminded Neville of how Oliver Wood treated the younger members of the quidditch team. 

Like an older brother.

The bubble of stress and tight emotions that had been building up in Neville’s chest quietly dissipated. The Gryffindor had never experienced this sort of reassurance before. Sure, the older Gryffindor’s were nice and checked up on him, but he never really seemed to be able to connect with them. Neville was much too anxious to put himself out there enough to forge those strong connections. And he had come to terms with that. He was okay knowing he wasn’t likely going to have any friendships, or any type of relationship in general at that, as strong as those like Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Neville could get by just fine on his own, he didn’t  _ need _ to have those types of strong relationships. He had casual friends, people that would let him hang out with them. He didn’t  _ need _ anything more than that.

Except… maybe he did.

Or at the very least, he  _ wanted _ it. He  _ wanted _ to know someone that knew him, and would care about him. Neville wanted someone that would check up on him because they cared, not out of a duty bound sense of obligation.

In that moment Neville was deeply envious of families like the Weasley’s. Big happy families, with enough laughter they could fill long empty halls, and enough people that there weren’t any empty bedrooms left behind, all seats filled at the table. Most of all, Neville couldn’t help but be jealous of how many older siblings Ron had. Just for one day, Neville wanted to know what it was like to not be an only child, to have just one older brother.

Inexplicably and illogically, Neville really wanted that person to be Professor Elric. 

Neville loved his grandmother, he did. But he couldn’t help and think, if someone like Professor Elric had been his older brother maybe he wouldn’t be so awkward, and painfully incompetent in anything that wasn’t herbology.

But Neville couldn’t change the past. And Professor Elric was still waiting patiently for Neville to tell him what he had come to say. So, closing his eyes tight, and desperately reassuring himself that it was going to be okay, Neville shouted out the cursed words that had been haunting him since the first alchemy class.

“I need to switch out of your alchemy class! I just- I can’t do it! Potions class is already too much for me! Alchemy is so much harder there's no way I’ll pass both classes if I continue in this one. But- but it has nothing to do with you! You’re such a good teacher! My favourite in fact! But it’s just I need potions to graduate and- “

“Hey, hey, hey… it’s okay Neville I get it! It’s all good, breathe yeah?”

Slowly, Neville cracked one eye open to see the professor smiling brightly.

“Alchemy is an incredibly hard subject to learn, there’s no shame in dropping it. It doesn’t say anything about your intelligence or integrity. In fact, some of the smartest people I know know practically nothing about alchemy. And if they do know some stuff they only learned it by osmosis from me and my brother, and not willingly at that.” Professor Elric gave a hearty laugh, before turning to look at Neville more seriously.

“This is your education Neville. Which means you get to be in charge of it. It’s a lot of pressure, and I’m proud of you for taking this step to take control of it. Acknowledging that you’re not able to do something takes a lot of courage, and even more to admit it to someone else. It’s a good life skill to be able to prioritize and acknowledge what you will and won’t be able to do.” The professor’s serious and professional façade melted as he talked, and a warm smile began to take over his face.

“I’m proud of you Neville.”

For the second time in the past ten minutes, Neville found himself holding back tears. This time for a much different reason. Neville couldn’t remember the last time someone had told him they were proud of him. In fact, Neville wasn’t even sure it had happened before.

Neville had thought that he had been giving up, his grandmother had said as much when he sent her an owl telling her he couldn’t continue the course. But here was Professor Elric, the  _ teacher _ of the class he was dropping. And he didn’t see it as remotely close to giving up. Even more than that, he was  _ proud  _ of Neville.

“Now, I’m going to be honest.” Professor Elric said scratching his head as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I don’t actually know what the process is to switch you out of the class. It’s the… Heads of Houses that do that, right?”

Right, Neville thought, this was only half the process, he still had to tell Professor McGonagall. Wilting like Devil’s Snare in the sun, Neville nodded solemnly. He clutched the herbology book closer to his chest like it was his shield against the world.

“Yeah, Professor McGonagall is the Head of House for Gryffindor… “ Neville trailed off, uncertain of what else he should say.

“Ah, Professor McGonagall, she’s kind of scary isn’t she?” 

Neville’s head snapped up, before looking towards the open doorway behind him for a tall figure in a pointed hat or a tabby cat prowling the halls. Then he turned back to Professor Elric and nodded shyly.

“Hey, why don’t I tell Mcgonny about this?” The professor said casually as he stretched his arms up above his head. “We’ve got a staff meeting tonight so I can tell her then. She’s probably busy this afternoon so that means I’d see her before you. And it gives her more time to figure out schedules and shit. Really, it’s more considerate if we tell her this way.” 

Professor Elric gave Neville a conspiratorial smile, and Neville recognized the out for what it was. He really is the best ever, Neville thought reverently as he nodded enthusiastically.

“As a House Head and Deputy Headmistress Professor McGonagall already has a lot on her plate, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience her more than necessary.” Neville said seriously as he returned the professor’s smile.

“Exactly! This is the best way to do things!” Professor Elric said brightly as he scrawled an inky note onto his left arm, using one of the pens he had shown off in an alchemy class. “Now, I’m afraid I have to go drop by the library, but if you aren’t doing anything I’d be glad to have your company.”

“Really?”

“Of course, you’re great company! By the way, you're free to drop by my class whenever you want. Well, maybe not during actual class time, I personally wouldn’t mind but you’re probably not supposed to. Either way, my door is always open to you.” Professor Elric gestured widely to his classroom as he spun, walking through the tables to the doorway. Then he cupped his hands around his mouth and whispered conspiratorially. 

“And not just because you know so much about the insane plants here.”

Neville laughed with the professor good naturedly as he joined him in the hallway. Surprisingly, as they walked to the library Professor Elric walked directly by Neville’s side the entire time. He could have easily pulled ahead, in fact Neville had even slowed down in an attempt to let him walk in front. But the professor seemed determined to walk beside Neville. The Gryffindor couldn’t remember the last time someone had been this determined to act kind towards him. It was nice,  _ really  _ nice.

“Speaking of plants,” Professor Elric said. “I’ve got a friend who’s really interested in the flora here, specifically medicinal plants. She’s been bugging me about sending over some information. Do you have any good book recommendations for that?”

“Oh! Sure! I can show you where to find the best ones in the library.” Neville replied enthusiastically before pausing to think. “Um, if you don’t mind my asking, how are you going to send the information over to your friend? Madame Pince doesn’t let the books leave school property, they’re warded against it. And even if you could send them, the books are in a different language, right?”

Professor Elric hummed his agreement. “I was thinking of throwing together a quick report for her. God knows I’m not translating and then transcribing an entire book for her, or anyone at that matter. Do you think it’s too much to try to make copies of the books with alchemy and then just send them over like that for my brother to translate them?”

“Are you allowed to do that?” Neville asked curiously.

“Mmm, it’s for the pursuit of knowledge and sharing information, so really it’d be for the good of the world.” The professor said waving his arms in a grand gesture. Then he gave a wistful sigh. 

“But, I should probably ask first, the Imperial Council would for sure be on my ass if I started handing out information from here to whoever I wanted. Not to mention that fucking bastard Mustang would chew me out for giving out illegal information, especially if I didn’t give it to him first.” The alchemist grumbled to himself as he ran his fingers through his bangs, before turning to look at Neville who’s eyes had gone wide. He had never heard a teacher swear so casually. Or at all for that matter.

“Oh shit!” Professor Elris swore again as he nearly tripped in realization. “You’re a kid I’m not supposed to be swearing in front of you! Uh… okay, let’s just pretend you heard nothing, yeah?” The professor looked around the empty hallways before turning to look at Neville for confirmation, fear at what was likely Professor McGonagall’s wrath thinly veiled on his face.

Neville nodded happily, a smile splitting his face. Nobody had ever bothered to include him in their schemes, or trust him with secrets. Hanging out with Professor Elric, sans the stress of alchemy class was really nice. Neville sincerely hoped it would continue. 

Asking questions was a way to make and keep friends, right?

“Hey Professor, can I ask you a question?” The blond turned to Neville surprised, then a warm smile spread across his face.

“Sure thing Neville! What’s on your mind?” The boy in question twisted his fingers anxiously, the herbology book held tight against his chest again digging into his sternum.

“What was it like learning that magic exists? I’ve always lived with it, and I’ve never gotten the chance to ask any students who grew up muggle.” Neville trailed off looking to the professor timidly, hoping he hadn’t ruined the positive atmosphere and all chances at friendship. But the alchemist only looked contemplative as he tapped his chin.

“Hmm… Well, I expect I had a much different reaction compared to a kid. As a scientist, I believe everything has an explanation. Something cannot appear out of nowhere, it’s fundamentally impossible. Which is exactly where my issue with magic comes in. On the surface there is zero explanation and wizard’s barely have any theory developed, and  _ under _ the surface it’s not any better! It's insane! But I could go on about that for hours.” The professor flapped his hands as if shooing off the oncoming tangent. “I imagine that kids have an easier transition into “magic”, than grumpy adults that try to make everything relate to science and alchemy. So seeing your “magic” threw me into a frenzy of trying to understand it I guess. Personally, I still don’t believe in magic, I think that “magic” is really just a name for a different type of science like alchemy.” The professor stared off into the distance, looking like there was something more he wanted to say. Then he shook his head, turning to Neville with a smile.

“That isn’t to say I never used to believe in magic though, I was a kid once! I just happened to unlearn it really quickly. I used to love reading fantasy stories about dragons and knights.” The professor gave a wistful sigh. “Ah, the day I learned dragons weren’t real was not a happy one.”

“But Professor?” Neville looked to Professor Elric confused. “Dragons are real. Sure there’s not as many, and most of them live in sanctuaries, but they still exist.” 

“ _ What? _ ” Neville watched concerned as the professor stopped dead in his tracks.

Neville responded cautiously. “Yeah, like the sanctuaries Romania? I think the Weasley’s have an older brother who works with them.” 

“Holy shit.” Professor Elric’s eyes were blown wide as he stared out into the empty hallway.

“Er… are you okay Professor?” 

Shouting joyously Professor Elric threw his arms in the air. “This is the best news ever! Y’know Neville, this wizarding world is insane, but it might be alright if it has  _ dragons  _ in it. And great kids like you certainly make it all the more bearable. I wonder if I can work meeting a dragon into the negotiations for me working here?” The excited alchemist turned to Neville with a bright smile, and Neville couldn’t help but return it back. The professor’s joy really was infectious.

Soon after, Neville fell into a comfortable rhythm of conversation with the professor as the student and teacher made their way to the library. When they finally reached their destination, Professor Elric told Neville to take the lead, the Gryffindor only stumbled a bit before bringing him to his little safe haven, the herbology section. The alchemist listened dutifully, taking notes of the recommendations Neville made as he pointed out the best authors and his favourite manuals. As Neville’s voice grew from a timid whisper into an excited and confident tone, he couldn’t help but remember the first conversation he had had with the professor on the train. 

Back then Professor Elric had been taking notes too. After the dementor encounter Neville had been on the verge of a breakdown, even with the help of the chocolate Professor Lupin had given him. But then, even though he must have also been shaken up, Professor Elric had talked to him.

And he had encouraged him to talk about herbology, something other people rarely did. Plants were boring, who would want to hear about them, especially from Neville? Professor Elric had listened though, he had encouraged him and even took notes too! Now here he was again, listening to Neville go on about his favourite herbology researchers. Neville couldn’t help but wonder,  _ why? _

“Professor Elric,” Neville stopped in the middle of his sentence to face the scribbling professor. “Why have you asked  _ me _ to recommend books for you? Wouldn’t Madame Pince or Professor Sprout be better?”

Professor Elric’s eyebrows furrowed before a smile bloomed on his face. “That’s easy Neville! Because we’re friends! And besides, isn’t it more fun to learn from someone as passionate about the subject as you?” Neville’s eyes widened, his face surely going red.

“O-oh… Friends?” Neville wondered aloud hopefully.

“Of course! Speaking of, you really don’t need to keep calling me ‘Professor’, I’ve already told you, you can call me Ed. Now what were you saying about ‘ _ A Devil’s Dare With Devils Snare _ ’?”

“Don’t read it for information!” Neville exclaimed, panicked. “It’s good for a laugh but really that’s all Gilderoy Lockhart’s works are good for.” Ed chuckled at Neville’s outburst, taking note of his words in his little leatherbound notebook.

“Any other author’s I should avoid?” He asked with a smile.

Neville smiled back at Ed, no longer feeling as hesitant. Maybe, just maybe, with a little uncharacteristic luck, Neville had finally caught a break. 

And just maybe, he finally had someone to look up to that would look back with a proud smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out Harry Potter is no longer the protagonist, Neville is the main character now <3 
> 
> Have you guys seen that panel with Mustang and it says smth along the lines of “starting next volume the series will be retitled ‘The Flame Alchemist’” cause that’s what I’m thinkin abt.
> 
> Anyways I just wanted to thank all of you so much for all the support on this fic!!!! It’s been two months since I updated (which honestly I can’t believe man has time flied by) but people are still here readin this so thank you!!!!
> 
> Honestly I have no idea when the next chapter will be out since this whole thing was started as incredibly self-indulgent and I’m just kinda takin it day by day, but I’m not droppin it!!!
> 
> (And on a completely unrelated note not even a week ago I finished watchin The Promised Neverland and I’ve never cried so hard over smth, season 2 is bein released currently!! if you like found family I highly recommend it’s been on my mind constantly since I finished it <3)
> 
> Mini tangent abt tpn aside, thank you again for readin I appreciate you all so much!!!
> 
> (canadian-crow on tumblr if you’re interested too ;) )


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